


The Four Innocents: Early Daze

by Azalea542



Series: The Four Innocents [2]
Category: The Monkees (TV)
Genre: 1960's, Alternate Universe - Earth, Celibacy, Gen, Male Friendship, friendship better than romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 15:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19444531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azalea542/pseuds/Azalea542
Summary: The newly formed band play their first gig, help an heiress, run afoul of a rival band, host a party, and risk losing a friend.





	1. Breaking In

**Author's Note:**

> "Breaking In" is based on the Monkees pilot, "Here Come the Monkees" by Paul Mazursky and Larry Tucker, and "I've Got a Little Song Here" by Treva Silverman.

BREAKING IN

I

"When she enters your life, you think of no one else/You only think of her, and never of yourself."

That was the song that greeted the Four Innocents when they walked into Baird's Records. Colorful promotional posters greeted them by sight.

Timmy recognized the number being played in the shop. "Oh, no, not this one!"

"Oh, yeah, from that new Cliff Niles film," Matt said.

"Hanging out with the guys doesn't matter anymore," the record continued. "You'd rather be one with her then in a gang of four."

"Why does this song seem personally against us?" Timmy wondered.

"Yeah, I hate it," Danny agreed. "I don't care for the sound of the movie either."

A man with short hair curling at the top stepped out of a back room. "Oh, they just say gang of four because in the film Niles has three drinking buddies. My daughter and all her friends are dying to see the film. She just loves Cliff Niles and Nora Night."

"Well, to each their own," Danny remarked.

"Can I help you find something?"

"Do you know when the new Consorts' album is coming out?"

"It was supposed to be out already, but I guess the Liverpool lads weren't happy enough with the sound. Latest deadline I've heard is mid-March. Say, you look like a friendly foursome yourself. Let me guess--are you a rock'n'roll band?"

"Yeah," Matt replied, pleasantly surprised.

"See, I'm Mel Baird," the owner began.

"We're the Four Innocents," Matt said.

"The Four Innocents. See, I also own a recording studio besides a record store, and I rent it out to local groups. Best rates in town."

Matt took the hint. "Oh, we'll keep it in mind. But we're just starting out right now."

"We haven't even played a gig yet," Danny told Baird. "But we've learned a few songs."

"Really? Why don't you come on back to the studio and play for me? I've got the instruments. I won't record it or anything so don't worry about money. Just let me hear what you sound like."

Matt and his bandmates were taken aback.

"No, really, come on," Baird encouraged. "Sometimes I hear about gigs opening up, and if I hear what you sound like, I may be able to place you in one."

"Well, it won't hurt," Matt decided.

"That's the spirit," Baird said, and led the way into the adjoining studio. 

The Four Innocents got their fingers and feet accustomed to Mel Baird's collection of instruments, and then performed their cover version of the Consorts' "Don't Even Bother".

"That's not bad," Baird remarked. "I think your strongest point is the way your voices blend together so well."

"Well, we blend together well ourselves," Matt said.

"The point you need to work on most right now is your confidence, but hey, that's to be expected from a new group."

The bandmates followed Baird back out into the record shop. "See, I carry all the local groups," the owner explained, holding up an album cover with the name "The Fig Leaves" printed out in crude lettering. 

"Well, maybe that'll be us someday," Matt said.

"In the national stock," Danny insisted.

"Now you're talking," Baird encouraged. The soundtrack to _When She Enters Your Life_ had ended, and Baird replaced it with a Waikikis' LP.

The Four Innocents, feeling inspired, showed off their distinctive harmonies as they sang along:

"She's the finest thing I ever seen

And once you get a look at her you'll know what I mean

Cause she's my car...."

"Now that's a song with good lyrics," Timmy remarked at the end.

"Hey, you guys write any songs of your own?" Mel wondered.

"No," Matt said, then added, his eyes sparkling, "At least, not yet."

II

The once blue and white van drove along the coast of New Haven. Now it was the “psychedelic van”—Timmy and Patrick had had their way with it, using paint left over from when Timmy had painted his room at the Rowes’ house. On one side of the van was a picture of a horned pegasus. Patrick had naively suggested calling it a “hornywing”, until the other three pointed out _horny_ didn’t have a good connotation. The steed was flying over a red rock canyon, through which streams of raging water flowed.

On the other side was just a spiral of many colors, inspired by Timmy’s old room. The back door had a flowing music staff, with notes, again in many colors. It also advertised the band’s name and phone number. The front of the van was left plain.

"That guy's right about us writing our own songs," Timmy remarked as the Four Innocents walked back into their house. "Problem is we haven't gotten to work on any songs like we said we would."

"Well, why don't we start now?" Matt suggested. The four new

bandmates went inside the music storage room, where Matt retrieved some blank music staff paper from out of a desk drawer. He and

Patrick then sat down on the piano bench, Matt with his guitar in hand. Timmy and Danny sat on the floor, next to each other.

They then stared at each other blankly.

"Well, whatever we write, let's not write another silly love

song," Timmy said finally. "There's plenty of other people writing them."

"Yeah, like Pete McFarlane of the Consorts," Patrick pointed out.

"And I thought he was supposed to be the bachelor type," Matt remarked.

"Oh, he probably is," Danny told them. "As you know, some of us permanently single guys still like for girls to find us cool, and make them feel special. But I know what you mean, there are too many love songs."

Timmy pulled out one of the records in the closet. "Yeah,

like this album here of last year's greatest hits contains nothing but love songs. Look at this‑‑the Teen Idols' 'I Love You Too' and 'Dream Girl', the Valentines' 'You're My Love', Vincent Volante's 'Bring Back My Baby'..."

"Now that was a clunker," Matt remarked. "I don't know why it ever became a hit."

"'We'll Be in Love Forever' by the Juvenile Delinquents,"

Timmy continued. "Marty Mulligan with 'My Girlfriend Is

Groovy'...Oh, yeah, and remember this one?‑‑Neil and the No‑Namers with 'She Said Goodbye'." Timmy began dramatically quoting the

lyrics. "'She said goodbye, I could just cry/she said goodbye, I could just die.'"

"Well, it sounded okay set to music," Danny remarked.

"I mean nothing but love songs on this album!" Timmy cried. "No protest songs, no novelties, not even any of the Waikikis' car and surfing songs!"

"Well, last year their big hit was 'My Baby's Been Being

Bad'," Matt explained. "They're beginning to lose their popularity anyway."

"Worst of all, there's no buddy songs!" Timmy exclaimed.

"Aw, man!" Patrick cried. "They never write anything for us."

"Well, I don't know, man," Danny said. "If you ignore the

references to 'girl' and kissing, some of the other lines in those songs we could relate to, because there are some that deal with

true affection, and we do love each other, it's just that it's not a birds and the bees sort of love. I mean, we relate to 'You're for Me', even though the songwriters no doubt meant it to be about a boy and a girl."

"Yeah, man, that's okay when you're desperate for relevant

lyrics," Matt remarked. "But if we want songs we can really relate to, without having to ignore the lines about kissing, we're just gonna have to write them ourselves." He paused in thought. "Hey, I know! We'll write a song all about our friendship soon, but for now, why don't we get back at those romantic mush songs and write a parody? Kind of a novelty. Novelty songs become famous fast." 

"Or infamous," Danny pointed out.

"Let's see," Matt said. "How does a typical silly love song start?"

"The guy's girlfriend drops by just to tell him she's

leaving," Danny replied.

Matt took his guitar and started strumming a camp and comical

uneven progression of chords.

"Oh, that's really touching, Matt," Danny remarked, tongue‑in‑cheek. "Really sensitive for a song in which the poor guy‑‑I can't stand it!‑‑His girlfriend leaves him!" He and Timmy broke down in mock tears.

"And he thought it always happened to the other person," Timmy sobbed.

"'Oh, baby,'" Matt began, stopping to explain, "I had to fit that word in somewhere." Matt continued to play and started making up words to a simple melody which went however he felt drawn to make it go. 

"Oh, baby, I heard that you're leaving

But stop a minute before you go

Yeah, you don't love me no more

But there's something I want you to know

"I don't love you either!

So what do you think about that?

I don't care if you wanna go

I'd be better off with a dog or a cat."

"A dog or a cat?" Timmy asked.

"Yeah," Matt replied matter‑of‑factly.

"It is beginning to sound like a novelty now," Danny said.

"C'mon, fellas, help me to think of some more animals to fit

in," Matt requested. The four of them brainstormed, and the rest of the verses came out like this: 

"Any animal could replace you

And top you, too, I'll bet

Be it a turtle or a gerbil

I'd just rather have a pet

"No dog whines as much as you

No parrot squawks as loud

And a fine and fast race horse

Would make me much more proud

"So just go on and git, girl!

Don't want you hangin' 'round me

Pets are more loyal than you, besides

There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"So what we gonna call it, Matt?'" Danny asked.

"Well, it's all about pets, so let's see...Oh, I know, 'Heavy Petting'!"

"Gee, it sounds kinda kinky," Patrick pointed out.

"Yeah, but the song isn't," Matt said. "We'll just be playing a trick on everybody."

They spent the rest of the afternoon writing down the words, the chords, and the notes as best as they could remember. When

they completed this task, Matt told Patrick, who had inked in the music staff paper, "Write down 'Four Innocents' where the songwriter's name usually goes."

III

It was on February 21st, a Monday, that the Four Innocents

finally got a chance at a first gig. It wasn't a spectacular

affair‑‑it was an offer to play at a girl's birthday party, next month on the ninth. Mel Baird told the boys about the opening while they were browsing through his collection. 

Matt turned to Timmy, Patrick, and Danny. "Well, what do you think, fellas?"

"A birthday party?" Timmy replied hesitantly. 

"Hey, first gig," Danny suggested. "Who cares where we play as long as we finally get a chance to play."

"That's the spirit," Baird said.

Matt turned back to Mel. "How much does it pay?"

"Oh, let's see..knowing Al and knowing gigs, I'd say..about a hundred fifty."

"That's not too bad," Timmy agreed.

"Patrick?" Matt asked, so that all the band members might get their say.

He shrugged. "Okay by me. We need to start performing anyway."

"Right," Matt affirmed. "We can't let go of this opportunity."

At eight the next night, the Four Innocents drove their psychedelic van up to the gate of the Somerton neighborhood clubhouse, also known as the Green Room. 

The Green Room was a club with a large dance floor and a

bandstand. Surrounding the dance floor were circular tables and green velvet chairs resting on plush green carpeting. In the back of the room was a bar. Mr. Hamlin, a graying but handsome man, was already auditioning bands‑‑of his choosing, not his daughter Toni's. The vocal group performing now called themselves the Checkmates, and they sang songs popular in the forties and fifties. They were good; Mr. Hamlin thoroughly enjoyed them, but Toni, although sweet, was not open‑minded to music of the past generation. "Oh, Daddy, please," she whispered. "I don't want old stuff at my party! I want rock'n'roll! I want musicians my age!"

"Oh, Toni, all I'm saying is give these songs a chance," Daddy insisted. While the band played, he took her hands to dance with her. "Don't you remember I used to sing this song to you when you were younger?" He began to croon. "'Say you'll be my sweetheart...'" Toni giggled and blushed.

The Four Innocents, carrying their guitars and small percussion instruments, walked in just as the Checkmates were finishing their number. "Oh, wow, hey, oldies!" Timmy exclaimed. Patrick glanced at Toni and her parent ending their dance.

"Why, he looks old enough to be her father!"

Mr. Hamlin applauded the Checkmates. "Bravi! Bravi! Very

good, gentlemen!" he congratulated as he backed into Matt. Raising his eyebrows in surprise, he glanced back at the boys.

"We're the Four Innocents," Matt reminded him. "Mel Baird sent us?"

"Oh, yes, yes." Mr. Hamlin turned back to the previous band. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have numerous other bands to

audition as well. I'll call you later to let you know my

decision."

"Yes, certainly, Mr. Hamlin," one of the Checkmates replied graciously. "Thank you for your time."

While the Checkmates cleared the stage, Toni made introductions. "Hello, I'm Toni Hamlin, and this is my dad."

Danny, liking her looks, took the initiative to introduce the band. "Hello, Toni, Mr. Hamlin," he replied, extending his hand to each of them. "I'm Danny Selwyn, this is my bandleader Matt

Winward, this is the drummer, Timmy Rowe, and this is‑‑" He

paused, waiting for their shy bass player to introduce himself.

The bass player in question looked at Danny, not the Hamlins. "Patrick Keefe!" he completed in an indignant manner, as if Danny had actually forgotten his name.

It was now time for the Four Innocents to take the stage. Toni and Mr. Hamlin took a seat at one of the tables right outside the dance floor. "I'm looking forward to this like I look forward to having my teeth drilled," Toni's father remarked to her under his breath.

"Oh, Daddy!" she pouted.

On the bandstand was another drum set—the bandmates wished they could have brought Timmy’s. On the head of the big bass drum at home, Patrick had painted—no, not the band’s logo, but the Chinese character for friendship. Timmy thought it looked oddly like two drumsticks over a kettle drum.

The Four Innocents performed a pretty number called "New World", which Matt had written shortly after completing "Heavy Petting". Danny sang lead. He thought of Toni as the band played. She sure was a beautiful young girl, with a soft, rosy, fawn‑like face, green eyes, and creamy blond hair done up so prettily. Danny thought that he had never seen a girl so gorgeous, though, on second thought, he found so many girls attractive that he must have seen girls just as pretty before this. He had probably just forgotten; he would recall them later. But he would have to ask Toni for the one date.

At the same time, Toni stared at Danny as she listened to the song. She didn't think she had ever seen a boy so cute before, and with such a nice British voice, too. _Oh, I am in love!_ she thought to herself.

When the number ended, the Hamlins stood up, Toni turning to

her father. "Daddy!" she begged, jumping up and down.

Matt was surprised as the boys climbed down from the bandstand. They hadn't done as well as he would have liked.

Patrick had no idea what Toni meant. "Daddy what?" he asked

Timmy.

Toni continued to plead. "Oh, please, let them play at my

party!"

"Oh," Patrick realized.

"Well, they weren't too bad for a rock'n'roll band. But I

can't make a final decision until I've heard all the bands I've

scheduled to audition."

"Oh, Daddy!"

"But I'll definitely put them in the final running," Mr.

Hamlin said resignedly.

"Oh, goody!"

"I'll call you boys later if anything comes up," Mr. Hamlin told the Four Innocents, while Danny drew Toni aside.

"Oh, well, okay, sir," Matt said. "Thanks."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to phone my wife." Mr.

Hamlin left the Green Room.

Matt observed Toni and Danny engaged in avid conversation and

glanced worriedly at Timmy and Patrick. "He's not doing what I

think he's doing, is he?"

"Asking her for a date," Timmy confirmed. "But he warned you he did that."

"Don't worry, Matt," Patrick assured. "It's never anything big. He just likes being friendly, not mushy."

"Well, I'll have to ask my parents," the three boys overheard Toni say. "But if they agree; then great, it's a date!"

"Okay." Danny chuckled, and returned to his friends. "All

right, fellas, we can go."

IV

It was the next evening. Only three of the Four Innocents were gathered around in the den. Patrick was practicing his bass guitar, Timmy was polishing his drum set, and Matt was just sitting around on the second‑hand easy chair. He broke the monotony by worrying aloud. "Okay, he said he'd end the date by nine‑thirty, right?"

"Right," Timmy replied.

Matt checked his watch.

"But that just means he'll have the girl home by then," Timmy warned him. "He'll be a few minutes past nine‑thirty getting back here."

"Oh," Matt said with disappointment.

"Oh, come on, Matt," Patrick persuaded. "I've known Danny a few months longer, and really, these dates are no big thing. He never goes out with a girl more than once."

"Yeah," Timmy chimed in. "So, you know, there's no need to feel threatened. We're the ones his loyalty goes to."

Matt shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "Ah, I guess I was

being silly."

"Don't worry about that, either," Timmy said. "We felt that

way at first, too, but, um, we've grown pretty much used to it.

Danny's not the kind of guy like in that movie theme song out now, who'd‑‑How's it go?‑‑'He'd rather be one with her than in a gang of four'."

"Yeah," Patrick agreed. "Danny'd rather be one with us four. Or three. Well, with Danny it makes four. That's what I meant."

Danny drove the psychedelic van up to the Hamlin's house. It was a spacious, white, two‑story residence, located in a fine

neighborhood for those who just made it into the upper class.

Pretty Toni, wearing a white lace dress, opened the door before Danny even reached the porch. "Hello, Danny. Oh, I'm so glad my parents agreed to this date!" she squealed. "But, remember, I have to be back by nine‑thirty."

"I'll remember," Danny promised, escorting her to the van. "Now, I haven't got as much money as your folks‑‑Man, that's an understatement‑‑so, no French restaurants, please."

"Just the movie," Toni agreed. " _When She Enters Your Life_."

"I thought we were going to see _Spy City_!" Danny

protested as he helped Toni into the van.

"Oh, Danny, please! I've been wanting to see this movie for

a while, and it might not be playing after this week. And that spy thriller you want to see just came out."

"You're right," Danny said as he got into the driver's seat. "Okay. We'll go see this Cliff and Nora flick." He started the engine and drove off from the house. "What theater's it playing at?"

"Why, at the same one you were going to take me to anyway."

"Oh, good. I hope it doesn't start any later or last much

longer. We haven't got much time to spare."

Toni sighed. "I wish parents would give kids at least time

enough to enjoy themselves without having to make them feel like they were punching a clock."

"Well, it's not that way with me. I live with my bandmates." "You live on your own?"

"Well, the four of us, yeah."

"How old are you?"

"As old as you're going to be."

"Only sixteen and living on your own? Lucky! So, like, your friends won't care how long you're out, right? Not like parents." "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. We're very close and

we've been very anxious lately when we're apart from each other. And this is the first time I've been on a date since we've moved in together. Knowing Matt‑‑he's my bandleader‑‑I bet he's uptight. So I don't want to keep them waiting any longer than necessary." 

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it," his date said. "Friends

should stay out of the way of each other's romances. I mean, I had a friend once who was always bugging me about spending more time with boys than with her. Like, it was like she was my mother! And if a friend gets to be like a parent, then you're really in trouble!"

Danny was secretly becoming uncomfortable. Aloud, he

remarked, "Well, it all depends in what way they're like a parent." They arrived at the theater, so Danny quit talking and parked the van. Exiting, he told Toni, "Hold on, I'll get the door for you." They walked up to the ticket booth. "Two for _Spy_ ‑‑I mean, two for _When She Enters Your Life_ ," Danny told the female attendant resignedly.

"Oh, how romantic," she cooed, looking at the first‑time

dates as if they were passionate lovers.

Watching the movie, Danny could see the lyrics of the loathed theme song were closely related to the plot. George, played by Cliff Niles, was a race car driver who fell in love with a good girl called Mary. She feared for his life and begged him to give up his profession. George's buddies didn't like this, and his best friend Jerry went so far as to tell off Mary in front of him. "Mary, George doesn't need a woman who tries to take him away from the thing he loves most. I think you should just leave."

George then lost his temper and decked his pal, and said in Cliff Niles' stilted acting style, "No, Jerry, I think you should just leave. Mary is the thing I love most." Toni sighed wistfully.

"I'm gonna go get some popcorn," Danny said, offended by what he had just seen. He stalled as long as he could in the lobby, wondering how Toni could possibly like such a scene. On the other hand, he supposed he would've liked a similar scene if the guy had told his girlfriend off and walked away with his best friend.

When he came back, not wanting Toni to think he had disappeared, Mary was throwing a crying fit because George had agreed to be in the big race. She showed up at the track anyway, and when George saw her, despite his lead in the race, he sped off the track, dropped her into his car, and they drove off into the sunset. "Bleech!" was Danny's review of the movie, but he did not tell this to Toni.

On the ride back home, she squealed her delightful critique: "Oh, true love conquers all!"

"Well, yeah, it does," Danny agreed. "But I really wished

that guy hadn't knocked his best friend silly."

"Well, his so‑called best friend put his true love down."

"What do you mean, so‑called? He was just concerned that his friend was getting involved with the wrong kind of woman. I mean, she was taking over his life and he didn't see it. And come on, she made him give up a profitable career."

"She was just concerned he'd get injured, and then she would lose him forever. He wasn't forced to give up his career anyway. His love for her made him change his mind. Why, what's the matter, Danny, don't you dig romance?"

"Oh, it's not that, it's just that I also dig friendship a

lot."

"Well, so do I! I have a best friend, Clio Baird. She's not the friend I was talking about earlier though."

"Hey, that's Mel Baird's kid, isn't it?"

"You've met her then?" Toni asked.

"Well, I've seen her around. We been to Baird's Records a few times, you see. And she goes to our school, too."

"Oh, really? You go to Stockdale?"

"Yeah. Actually, I don't know her that well, but she seems to be a nice girl."

"Yeah, she is."

"You're a nice girl, too."

Toni blushed and giggled. "Thanks, Danny."

They arrived at the Hamlins' house shortly. As they walked up the path, Toni moaned, "Oh, I wish we had more time to go for a walk, go out to eat, dancing‑‑Just something!" They stood on the doorstep. "I mean, we spent two and a half hours together but we only got to talk with each other a few minutes before the movie and a few minutes to and from the theater."

"Well, it was a long film." Danny did not want her to be too upset. "But I'm sure I can see you again sometime."

Toni perked up. "How 'bout tomorrow night?"

"Well, sure, we'll go to‑‑"

"The park?"

"Yeah, to the park. I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon."

"Good night, Danny, and thanks. I had a great time."

"Yeah, it was all right," Danny told her. A _ll right except for that movie._ “I'm sorry I can't kiss you good night, but you're not sixteen yet."

"Well, what's that mean?"

"Come on, you mean you haven't been bombarded lately with the saying 'sweet sixteen and never been kissed'?"

"Oh, yeah, that's right. But I can kiss you!" She reached forward to do so and he kissed her back. "Hey, you lied!" she

cried in mock indignation and not well‑hidden delight.

"I was only joking."

"Now I'm gonna have to tell everyone at my party that it's

'sweet sixteen and have been kissed'!” She smiled wistfully. "And to think we get to go out tomorrow, too. Maybe this will continue for a long time."

The thought of this disturbed Danny. Maybe he should warn her not to think that..."Uh, Toni?"

"Yeah?" she asked, looking back from the partially open doorway.

"Never mind. I'll talk to you later." He turned away.

Toni went inside, where her parents were waiting on the living room couch. Mr. Hamlin checked his watch. "It's nine‑thirty five!"

"Oh, Daddy!" Toni groaned.

"It's nine fifty‑five," Matt announced as Danny walked in.

"What's the temperature?" Danny asked.

"I'm sorry," Matt apologized in resignation. "I had to give you time to get home."

"How'd it go?" Timmy asked.

#  "Oh, well, she's not bad, but we had to go see this mushy

romance film instead of _Spy City_."

"Great, man!" Timmy cried. "The four of us can go see it together. I love adventure flicks‑‑as long as they're reasonably clean. Gosh, don't you wish sometimes it was you up there living through all that adventure?"

"Sure," Matt agreed. "As long as, like the audience, you knew they couldn't kill you off. Well, maybe Bland will let us help him out with--"

Danny interrupted, bringing them back to the subject of Toni, which at the time he thought more important then a chance at being spy contacts. "Oh, fellas, I have to tell you something, though. I'm going to see her again tomorrow."

"WHAT!" the other three exclaimed in wide‑eyed unison.

"Hey, I thought you never dated a girl more than once!" Timmy protested.

"That's true," Danny agreed.

"Then why you going out with her twice?" Patrick demanded.

"Well, you see, she felt that with the strict time limit that her father set, we didn't have time to just relax and enjoy

ourselves. She was kinda disappointed, so this way I'm just giving her the little bit more time she wanted. That's all, fellas."

"I hope this isn't gonna start being a regular thing," Matt said.

"No, I just said it wasn't," Danny defended. "Just twice,

that's all."

The three shrugged. "Yeah, okay. Okay, I guess. Whatever,"

Patrick, Timmy, and Matt grumbled.

"Good," Danny said. "I'm glad to see you're not uptight."

V

Early next evening, Toni hoped that this was the start of a regular thing. She and Danny took a walk in the park, feeding the gulls and pigeons. "Oh, Danny, this is fun!" she giggled. "I love feeding the birds! Oh, look‑‑ducks! Aren't they adorable?"

"Yeah, they're cute little quackers," Danny replied. "Hey, Toni, when will your old man get back to us about the party?"

"Oh, I don't know, he's still got a couple of more bands to audition."

"Boy, he sure is going to a lot of trouble for a birthday

party."

"He wants to make sure everything is just right for my Sweet

Sixteen. I do hope he selects you, though. You're the only

rock'n'roll band he's considered so far."

"When is your birthday anyway?"

"Well, my sixteenth is the ninth."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right near my bandleader's birthday. His is March 2nd. He'll be seventeen."

"Oh, cool. Oh, and Danny, this Saturday, my friends at the country club, we've all pooled together our parents' money, and we rented out the Wildworld amusement park for three hours."

"Wow!" Danny gasped. "You've rented the whole park out?"

"Yeah, isn't it great? See, the owner is a member of the club and he helped arrange it. So there'll be no lines or nothing. Just us and the park attendants and the shop keepers. And I'd like you and your bandmates to come along. It's free."

"Swell. Wildworld for free, and no lines to boot. I can't wait to hear what the fellas say."

This is what Matt said: "You're going out with her again?

Three times?"

Timmy replied along the lines that Danny had expected:

"Groovy! Wildworld uncrowded! This is the opportunity of a

lifetime!" Patrick agreed, but all three still wondered about Toni.

"This doesn't count as a date, fellas," Danny said. "I mean, she'll be with her friends, and I'll be with you."

"You're right, you're right," Matt agreed.

"Don't get so paranoid, fellas. You know I never go beyond one chaste goodnight kiss with a girl. Well, two, actually." He shuffled his feet. "She asked me to kiss her twice tonight on

account that it was our second date."

"Three," Patrick insisted somberly. "It adds up to three."

"Well, if she asks for three more at the park, I'll just have each of you guys kiss her once." Danny yawned and went upstairs for the night.

"Aw, I guess we shouldn't worry about that girl," Matt

remarked to Timmy and Patrick. "I mean, you're not worried, are you?"

The two nodded with anxious expressions.

"Oh, you are," Matt began hesitantly. "And you've known him a few months longer than I have.."

"But we've never known him to be like this," Timmy said. "He never goes out with a girl twice‑‑nonetheless three times."

VI

Saturday the 26th came, and at six in the morning, the Four Innocents joined Toni, Clio, and their twenty‑two closest friends

outside the gates of Wildworld park. It was still dark, and before regular park hours. "Man, I hope it was worth getting up this early for," Timmy said tiredly.

"Now, remember, kids," one club boy joked. "We all have to

stay together so we won't get lost in the crowd."

A few minutes after they had gotten inside, though, the kids

all ran off in small groups. Danny was going to go with his

bandmates, but Toni pulled him aside so that they could be alone. "Now, hold on, Toni, what about my friends?"

"Oh, we'll join up with them later. C'mon, let's go over here."

Timmy, Matt, and Patrick had been running towards the merry‑go‑round and suddenly noticed that Danny wasn't following. They whirled around and saw Toni leading Danny off in the opposite direction. "I guess he'd rather be with her," Matt sighed.

"Well, that's just great!" Timmy complained.

"Oh, I'm sure we'll run into them‑‑I mean, Danny‑‑again,

later," Patrick consoled. "Let's go to the merry‑go‑round."

Danny and Toni played some midway games, then Toni wanted some cotton candy. A few minutes later, the couple ran into Danny's trio of friends at the fun house.

Toni stopped in front of an enlarging mirror. "Gosh, I'm

getting fat," she moaned. "I knew I shouldn't have had the cotton candy."

"I told you it makes lousy breakfast food," Danny said, then turned to his friends. "How's it goin', fellas?"

"Oh, fine," Matt replied. "'Been a long time since we've seen you around."

Danny glanced at his watch. "All of a half hour. She

dragged me off, fellas! She's very pushy! But don't worry, I'll spend the rest of the day with you."

Toni was still gazing at her distorted fat reflection. "I'll have to go on a diet next week, so I can eat stuff at my party." "Yeah, Danny, why don't you tell her to go pal around with

Clio now?" Matt suggested.

"Haven't seen her around."

Toni tore herself away from the mirror. "Well, c'mon, Danny." 

“Toni," Danny began. "Why don't you hang around with the band here for awhile? Get to know the fellas?"

Fortunately, Toni agreed with a cheerful "okay".

"Oh, swell," Matt muttered to Timmy and Patrick. "We get to hang out with Miss Bubbly for awhile."

Toni realized that for some odd reason Danny's friends were shying away from her. "What's with them?" she whispered.

"Oh, never mind," he replied. "Let's find our way through this fun house."

Once they got going, peace was maintained, and a good time was had by all. They roamed through the fun house, rode the go‑carts, and traversed back to the merry‑go‑round, which Toni and Danny had missed earlier.

At the end of the day, Toni told Danny, "I had a great time. When will I see you again?"

Danny looked at his bandmates. Between hurting the three of them and the one of Toni...But he would break it off as easily as possible. "I, uh, really don't know right now, Toni. Maybe at the party?"

"But that's over a week away! And Daddy might not even hire you!"

"Well, I'll, er, I'll call you sometime, okay?"

"Well, okay, but make it soon."

"Yeah, all right. 'Bye, Toni." He turned away, and joined

his friends.

Clio, a tan brunette with a braided pony tail, approached her best friend.

"Well, I never!" Toni pouted.

"Never what?"

"He never kissed me goodbye this time!"

"Maybe he's just too shy to kiss you in front of twenty‑five or so people," Clio suggested.

"Yeah, that could be it. But I've got a sneaky suspicion that those three so‑called friends of his are trying to keep us apart. They go to your school and your father's record shop, don't they?" 

"Yeah, but I've never really gotten to talk to them."

"Well, keep an eye on them, won't you? And Danny, too."

"Oh, um, sure, I can do that."

"Thanks, Clio. Now you're a real friend."

"So when you seeing Toni again?" Matt asked Danny on the drive home.

"I'm not."

"You're not?" Matt asked, trying to disguise his delight.

"No, I told her I'd give her a call. But I'll just hold off on that, and she'll probably forget about it. I mean, we haven't even known each other for a week. Her heart won't be broken or

anything, and we'll see each other at the party shortly anyway. Hopefully."

"You didn't want to go out with her again, did you?" Matt

asked, concerned that he, Patrick, and Timmy may have been too

possessive.

"No. The reasons I told you for going out with her the second and 'third' time, if you could call it that, were true. I could never start a real steady relationship with her. I mean, she's a nice and sweet girl, but she can get on your nerves after awhile."

VII

Monday, the 28th, Stockdale High. Lunch break. _Agent 42 on duty_ , Clio thought to herself, sighting the Four Innocents walking down a hallway, heading for the cafeteria. They seemed chipper, talking and laughing. Danny saw a pretty girl walk by and smiled at her. Why, of all the nerve! Wasn't he supposed to be going steady with her best friend? He shouldn't even look at another girl.

She saw them place their bags down at a table to reserve it.

When they left for the lunch line, Clio accosted the people at the table nearest the Four Innocents' spot. A couple of seats were still vacant. "Is this seat taken?" They told her no, and she took her place, burying her face in a textbook to both avoid getting caught up in conversation with her hosts, and so that the Four Innocents, who were now returning, would not recognize her.

The quartet talked about classes for awhile, then Patrick

reminisced about how fun it had been to go to Wildworld for free on an uncrowded day. The others agreed, then Danny remarked, "Of course, I know you would have thought it more fun if Toni wasn't tagging along."

"Oh, don't worry about that anymore," Matt shoved aside.

"Well, she was the one who invited us," Patrick admitted. "I guess it was only fair."

"It doesn't matter now, anyway," Danny said. "I'm not seeing her again. Hopefully, she won't get suspicious about my not

calling."

"But we've been acting too suspicious lately," Matt confessed. 

"Yeah, these matters do need some working on," Danny agreed.

"This is getting to be just like being married."

"Well, yeah, it is," Timmy remarked. "But in our marriage,

one doesn't have to worry about whining babies or nagging wives." _Who in the world do these guys think they are?_ Clio wondered.

_Oh, yeah, the Four Innocents. Well, I’ve heard enough. Mission accomplished._

When Clio phoned Toni that afternoon, she reported her

findings. "Danny's friends have pressured him into not seeing you again. And he has no intention of even calling you."

"Oh, no!" Toni wailed. "I knew it! I knew they'd do

something like that! Try to keep us apart! Ohh, I wish Danny'd be more romantic like Cliff Niles and...and just give them a good punch or something!"

On March 2nd, the Four Innocents decided to browse around Baird's Records, Matt looking for something to spend his birthday money on. "Hey, Innocents," Mel greeted. "Did Al give you the gig?" Clio, also present, came out from the storage room. She stood in the doorway, her arms crossed.

"He hasn't gotten back to us yet," Matt replied.

"Well, he should be soon," Mel said. "The party's a week from today." He went back to the storage room. "Clio, take care of any customers we have."

"Oh, I'll do that." She walked up to the Four Innocents. "You won't be getting that gig, you know."

"Why?" Danny asked. "Toni's father say he doesn't want us?" "No, Toni said she wouldn't want you even if her father did.

She'd prefer the Checkmates over you jerks."

"Jerks?" Matt demanded. "What's going down here? Why didn't

she tell us herself?"

"Toni knows you dumped her," Clio told Danny, her piercing eyes filled with self-righteousness.

"Yeah, who told her?"

"I did, since you wouldn't. I overheard you say so at school the other day. And she also knows that your three 'friends' here are the ones who made you do it."

"Now hold on here!" Danny exclaimed. "I thought I was very nice to Toni. I usually don't date a girl more than once."

Clio looked incredulous. "Only once? What kind of sleaze are you?"

"I think we better go," Matt muttered. He, Timmy, and Patrick headed towards the door, while Danny still argued with Clio.

"By once, I didn't mean one night stands, I just meant it's not my policy to go steady."

"Come on, Danny," Matt pleaded. "People don't understand our lifestyle, you know that."

Clio ignored them both. "Yeah, well, when you break up with your steady girlfriend, you should let her know about it instead of leaving it up to her friend to tell her. Now Toni can't

concentrate on her school work or anything, and she's got some big tests coming up."

"You are so ridiculous!" Danny told her. "I only went out

with her two times‑‑"

"Three times."

"‑‑That doesn't automatically mean we're going steady.

Sheesh!" He joined his three friends at the door, and they left.

VIII

Danny did not say anything on the ride home, and when they got in the house, he continued to mope silently.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Matt asked. He went up to Danny, who was sitting on the armed couch on the den, his head in his hands. "You're mad at us, aren't you? We've been too possessive. We've been acting too much like watch dogs."

"No, I'm not mad at you," Danny said softly. "I'm not mad at anybody. Just myself, really."

"Yourself? Why?"

"I led that poor girl on, Matt. I made her think we had

something going."

"Oh, come on, you didn't do anything like that. She just believed what she wanted to believe."

"I hurt her feelings. And I like to cheer girls up, not put them down."

"Well, that's a noble sentiment, but you can't always avoid hurting peoples' feelings. I mean, if some girl expected you to marry her, would you get married, give up your whole life, just so you wouldn't hurt her feelings?"

"No, of course not. But Clio was right. I should have at

least broken the news to Toni personally, instead of leaving her hanging. But I figured she'd just see me one time at the party, then afterwards we'd lose touch. What do I do now?"

"Well, you don't have to see her. We certainly don't mind. But you at least have to talk to her. Apologize and all that."

"You're right. You know, I was thinking maybe now that

we've--well, at least you've--started songwriting, maybe you could pen something for me..." He trailed off gradually, noticing Matt was hanging his head, looking as ashamed of himself as Danny had just felt a moment earlier. "...For her...What's wrong?"

Matt shrugged. "Eh, I don't know."

"Something about one of the songs, Matt?"

Matt sighed. "I took them down to a song publisher--"

"You did? You didn't tell us that."

"What's the use? He said the first one was stupid."

"Well, it was supposed to be stupid, in a camp sort of way."

"Yeah, but he just thought it was plain stupid."

"It's one man's opinion, Matt. There's an audience for every song--he just wasn't one of the members."

"Yeah, I know, but I keep thinking maybe there is something wrong with the song--both of them. He didn't say what exactly was wrong with 'New World', but he didn't rave it up either. Maybe I'll figure it out one day when I've had more experience."

"Or maybe you'll find that other people like our songs even if that guy didn't."

Matt smiled. "Maybe you should be bandleader. You got more sense than I do."

"Aw, Matt, now quit it! I told you before, I'm more interested in fun, not leadership and all that. I'm irresponsible!"

"Sure you are," Matt disagreed.

They smiled at each other. "So will you help me and write a song for Toni?" Danny asked. "It's sure to be a hit--girls love flattery."

"All right--and will you call her up and patch things up with her?"

"Deal." They shook hands on it.

When Danny called Toni, she stated, "I don't want to talk to

you, Danny." Oddly enough, she did not hang up.

"Listen, Toni, I'm sorry if I hurt you. Honest. I didn't

mean to. In fact, it was by trying to avoid hurting anyone's

feelings that things ended up this way."

"Well, what do you mean?" Toni asked in confusion.

"Let me explain," Danny began slowly. "It might be hard to understand; I'm not your typical boy, so I don't think along

typical lines. Let me put it this way‑‑you know our band name‑‑the Four Innocents? Well, it isn't something we picked at random. It fits us. I know it may seem we're too young to decide this, but we're all..uh, confirmed bachelors. But I like to go on simple dates every once in awhile. My friends don't, though, and they get jealous."

"I could tell they were," Toni interrupted. "At the park the other day, they paid attention to you, but they seemed to be

ignoring me."

"They were just a bit uneasy, I guess," Danny defended. "They probably didn't mean to be impolite."

"I told Clio I thought they were trying to keep the two of us apart."

"Well, in a small way, yes, they were," Danny agreed. "But, I'm sorry, Toni, I never meant to give you the idea that we were going steady."

"Well, I guess I knew that deep down," Toni confessed. "I

just didn't want to admit it to myself."

"Are we friends again then, Toni? I don't like for there to

be hard feelings between me and anyone else."

"Gee, I dunno, you guys are kinda weird."

"Yeah, we're weird, but we're harmless."

"Well, yeah, okay," Toni agreed, with the school girl giggle back in her voice. "And I'll tell Clio you're okay, too. By the way, are you coming to the party?"

"I don't know. Will we be able to get into the club? And does that mean your dad didn't hire us?"

"Oh, he hired the Checkmates or whatever they're called

instead. So, I guess I'll just have to tell Daddy to tell the

guard to let‑‑Wait! Maybe I could still get Daddy to change his mind. He selected the band the other day when I was still mad at you, and I said I didn't care. But maybe if I really beg and plead and tell him I've changed my mind..."

IX

It was Saturday, the 5th. "Toni said she'd call back before

Wednesday, didn't she?" Matt asked. "And let us know about the

gig?"

"Maybe she's getting back at me," Danny suggested. "She told me she'd call and then she didn't."

Toni had accepted Danny's apology, however, and had begged her father for the last three days to change his mind.

"No, sweetheart," was the continual reply. "I gave the Checkmates my word, and it's not fair to go back on your word."

When Toni tried to bring up the subject again on Saturday, at breakfast, she didn't even get a whole word out of her mouth before being turned down. Mr. Hamlin held up his hand, and said, "I told you Toni, no. The Four Innocents can come to your party but they can't play."

Toni thought of a new strategy‑‑debating rather than just

plain begging. "But, Daddy, they've never played a gig before." "Well, see, why should I hire them then? They have no

experience. The Checkmates have had over twenty years

experience."

"But if no one ever hires the Four Innocents because they have no experience, they'll never get any of the experience they need. Somebody's got to give them their first break; it might as well be you, Daddy."

Mr. Hamlin resorted to his usual argument. "I'm sorry, I gave the Checkmates my word."

"I know, but‑‑" Toni stuttered, then sighed. "Oh, forget it." She got up from the table and marched off to her room.

Mrs. Hamlin spoke up. "Dear, maybe you should give the Four Innocents a chance. You can promise the other band a gig at one of the club's adult parties. I mean, after all, only there will they be fully appreciated. The only ones at Toni's party who will enjoy the Checkmates are us and her teachers. And it is Toni's party; after all, you should think about what kind of music she enjoys, not what we enjoy."

So Mommy persuaded Daddy to change his mind. After he informed Toni, she phoned the Four Innocents and let them in on the news. 

X

March 9th and Toni's 16th.

Toni looked at her watch and sighed, pacing the floor as her friends filed into the Green Room. The party was about to begin, and the Four Innocents were nowhere in sight.

Clio was by her side. "Ah, you should've known those losers wouldn't show."

Toni found this hard to believe. "But they're getting paid!"

Ben, the guard on duty, had been waving Toni's guests in, which included school teachers invited by her mother and father, and schoolmates invited by her, many who came with their parents, who did not want to miss the chance to party at a country club. Ben was glad to see that all the kids so far were clean‑cut and normal, not any of those long‑haired guitar players who seemed to be infesting the country these days.

Later than they intended, the Four Innocents pulled up at the gate of the country club. They had been stalled by Patrick having stepped on a piece of glass on the beach outside their house. "We're tonight's band for Toni Hamlin's party," Matt told the guard. "The Four Innocents."

Ben gazed at their long hair. "Oh well, I knew it was too good to be true," he said to himself. 

The Four Innocents' set started late, but the kids enjoyed it

anyway. Even the older folks enjoyed their music‑‑well, the less raucous numbers anyway. Also, as Danny had predicted, the song Matt had wrote for the occasion was a smashing success. It had simple lyrics, similar to solo teen idol songs from earlier in the decade, but it served its purpose well.

"Her name's Toni and she's the prettiest teen

Her name's Toni, today she's sweet sixteen

She's the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen"

Also, while dancing, Toni met a new boy to have a crush on, despite her nearly swooning during the number written and performed in her honor. Danny, while playing, noticed an even more gorgeous girl than Toni, much to the other Innocents' chagrin. Patrick and Matt had to nudge him a few times during a couple of numbers, but after that, Danny came to his senses. He really ought to give the fellas a break before asking another girl out.

XI

"Well, you lost your chance at Toni," Clio gloated when the Four Innocents came by to pick up their reserved copy of the Consorts' new album.

"That's all right," Danny insisted. "That ROTC chap looks like a nice enough fella."

"Military men are the finest," Mel agreed. "He might be a bit too old for her, though."

"Oh, she’ll grow into him," Danny remarked. 

"They just met a few days ago," Clio reminded him. "Who are you to say they're going steady?"

"So how'd the gig go anyway?" Mel asked. 

"Oh, groovy," Danny replied. "Thanks."

"Clio, how'd you like it?" Baird then asked his daughter.

She crossed her arms, tried to force back a smile, but didn't succeed.


	2. The Case of the Harassed Heiress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story based on The Monkees episode "One Man Shy" (aka "Peter and the Debutante") written by Gerald Gardner, Dee Caruso, and Treva Silverman

THE CASE OF THE HARASSED HEIRESS

I

If anyone existed whose personality you could read by her presence, Patrick believed it would be Monica Wellington, the teenage heiress to the Wellingtons' cruise line and resort business. Her family were members at the Somerton Country Club, and the Four Innocents visited her estate to audition for a charity ball sponsored by the Wellington Foundation. Monica, dressed in a simple white cotton dress, was a petite girl with light brown hair that begged for petting. An aura existed about her that radiated a maiden's purity. Patrick didn't know how someone could exude such a feeling as that, but he felt her inner goodness as fully as he could see her physical beauty. He hoped he would discover no contradiction between his impressions and reality. 

She rose to greet the Four Innocents upon their entering the wood‑paneled ballroom. A black‑haired, business attired man at least ten years older than her rose more slowly. Patrick wasn't sure what he would be like.

"Hello, miss, sir," Matt greeted. "We're the Four Innocents, come for the audition."

Monica smiled and shook his hand. "Yes, the Four Innocents.

I'm Monica Wellington. You must be Matt Winward. I remember

talking to you on the phone yesterday."

He registered surprise at her recognition of him as an individual. "Yes, ma'am. That's me. And these are my bandmates‑‑Danny, Timmy, and Patrick."

"Danny," Monica repeated, taking his hand. "Do you mind my

asking your last name?"

"Selwyn, Miss. Daniel Selwyn. Just call me Danny, though."

"Oh, all right. And call me Monica."

The man next to her spoke up, clearing his throat. "Monica, I think that until they know you better, Miss Wellington would be the more proper term."

"Whatever they prefer is all right with me, Heath." She

giggled. "As long as it's not derogatory. Oh, by the way, this is Heath Fletcher, my language tutor."

"Mister Heath Fletcher to you," Heath told the boys.

"And you?" Monica asked Timmy, extending her hand once again. "Timmy, is it?"

"Yes, ma'am. Timmy Rowe."

Heath broke in. "Gentlemen, if you will just set your

instruments up on the bandstand, we can get started." He glared at Matt to enforce this.

"Oh, okay," Matt agreed nervously. "We'll just be a few

minutes. C'mon, fellas."

Matt, Timmy, and Danny began unpacking the drum set. Heath sat back down and waited. Patrick went to help, but Monica stopped him, touching his hand. "Patrick."

"Yes?" he blurted nervously.

"Your name is Patrick."

"Yes..Oh. Oh, right. Patrick Keefe, miss. Pleased to meet you."

She squeezed his hand. "My pleasure."

As she turned back to Heath, Patrick hoped she hadn't noticed how faint he was. Even though he was shy, he usually didn't feel dizzy just shaking hands. _I’m glad this doesn’t happen often,_ he thought.

Lost in a reverie, he did not realize that he had been

neglecting his duties. Matt was suddenly beside him, saying,

"C'mon, Patrick, we can’t keep them waiting."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, Matt." He helped his friends set up. When everything was ready, the Four Innocents performed "You're for Me". As he played, Patrick tried to drink in as much of Monica as he could, but it was hard. She kept staring back at the band, and Patrick did not want her to notice that he was looking at her. At one point, he felt her eyes fall directly on him. _Just play,_ he told himself. _Don’t worry about it. Just play._

When the song was over, Patrick gave an involuntary sigh of relief. Heath, however, looked displeased as he stood up. "That is enough, gentlemen. I get the picture. You may now clear your instruments off the stage."

"W‑well, what's the matter?" Matt asked in bewilderment.

"Don't you like our playing?"

Monica stood up as well. "Heath, they only played one song!" she protested. "And I rather liked it."

"Monica, when your parents left you in charge of picking out the music, I'm sure they assumed you were going to hire a string quartet." 

"This ball is geared towards teenagers, Heath. They like rock'n'roll and I like the Four Innocents. I saw them at a country club recently and I find them a delightful rock'n'roll band." 

"Modern music. Rock'n'roll," Heath grimaced. "Rock'n'roll is nothing but disharmonious, unconnected sounds thrown together at random."

"Huh?" Patrick blurted in confusion. Fletcher's passionate words sounded big and run together, but he knew that the band had been insulted. Patrick was hurt that Heath should reject them so bluntly and crudely. He felt like crying, but held it back as best as he could, not wanting Monica to notice.

"Heath, please!" she pleaded with dignity. "I appreciate

classical music, but I enjoy today's popular music as well. I'm sorry that you don't like the boys; I hoped you would give them a chance. But, nevertheless, I am choosing them to play at the ball."

"Hey, you mean we passed the audition anyway?" Danny asked. "Yes, boys," Monica replied. "Be here Friday the twenty-fifth at seven. Until then." She smiled at them and, looking mainly at Patrick, told them, "Oh, and don't feel badly that Heath doesn't like your music. He was raised on classical and baroque and other time‑tested styles. So it's not you personally, it's just rock'n'roll." She walked out of the ballroom, and Patrick

stared at her disappearing figure. It couldn't be she had seen his tears? How embarrassing.

To all the band, Heath said, "You rock'n'rollers may have won this round, but remember, the music I and my peers enjoy has been appreciated for centuries. How long will rock'n'roll be around?" With that parting shot, he left.

"Why is it so hard?" Timmy wondered with a sigh, resting his head on a tom‑tom. "To be good?"

"Well, man," Matt began. "Sometimes I think the only way you can forgive people like Heath is not to dwell on them. So let's pack up and go home, fellas. We only have to put up with him one more time on Saturday night, and even then he may pay us no mind." "And then he'll be out of our lives forever," Danny said.

"Right," Timmy confirmed, and the four boys began clearing off the stage.

II

His three bandmates were gathered just past the edge of the

bandstand. Patrick was lying behind the drum set, staring out at the blue sky. Timmy whispered to Matt and Danny, "Do you think we

could get him to moon over Monica in another room?"

"What's the matter, Timmy?" Danny teased. "Haven't you ever had a crush on anyone before?"

"Well, yeah, I have, and I see your point. I still just don't feel comfortable about him having a crush on anybody."

"He'll be over it before you know it. I mean, I always am." "I'm getting used to you."

"Jealous, Timmy, you're jealous!" Danny chided. "Jealous over your own bandmates. Don't worry, I don't think our beloved bass player is going to elope with the lass."

"He better not."

Abruptly, Patrick announced aloud, "I wish I didn't feel this way, fellas. I hope I'm not annoying you. I guess I'll go in my studio."

"Oh, don't worry, Patrick, you're not bothering us," Timmy

replied, with a waving away gesture. To Danny, he whispered, "He didn't hear us, did he?"

On Sunday, Monica, Heath in tow, dropped by the Four Innocents' beachhouse. "As Heath and I were on our way to lunch, we passed by Bethany Drive, and I remembered that was the name of the street you lived on."

"Oh, I thought maybe you had some news about the party," Matt said.

"No, I just thought it would be nice to drop in while we were nearby."

"I'm not so sure we should have," Heath scowled as he warily stepped into the den. "This place is a den of poverty." He

meandered through the Four Innocents' second hand furniture and

collection of cheap odds and ends. "Look at this interior decorating. Posters? Really, how tacky." 

"What do you expect from four teenagers?" Danny wondered.

"You call this a staircase? It's more like a fire escape." Heath curiously mounted the steps, and surveyed the mess from above. He then went to the door of Patrick's studio. "What's in here? The city dump?"

"Don't go in there!" Patrick exclaimed, scrambling up the stairs.

Heath had already peeked in. "A portrait!" He shut the door and whirled around to look down upon his companion. "Monica, these boys have a painting of you!"

Patrick had been trying to ease past Heath and close the door, but Monica's companion barred the threshold. "What else are you hiding in there?"

"That's Patrick's studio, if you don't mind, sir," Matt explained.

"He doesn't like any strangers going in there," Danny added.

Monica mounted the steps. "Heath, let the boy have his privacy." She reached the studio and gasped, seeing what Heath had just observed. "Patrick, that's beautiful!"

"Hey, you painted a picture of Monica?" Danny asked his bandmate.

"Well, yeah, but it's not finished yet..."

"Come on, Danny, you know how Patrick is," Timmy remarked. "He doesn't like anybody seeing his paintings before they're ready. Even us, unless he's in a real uninhibited mood."

"Not finished, he could have fooled me," Monica commented. "Maybe I can take this back home."

Heath sneered. "Monica, we don't have room in the car."

"In the limo?" she mouthed back to him.

"It should be finished by the time of the party," Patrick told her. "I can bring it over then."

"Oh, thank you. Say, if it's done sooner, let me know, and you and your friends can drop by some afternoon. Anyway, my dog Beauty just had puppies and I'd love for you to see them." Sighting some of Patrick's renderings of baby animals, she added, "I know you'd love to see them."

"I love puppies," Patrick concurred.

"Are those your paintings downstairs, too?"

"Yeah."

"He's very talented, don't you think?" Danny asked Monica. "An artist and a musician."

"Yes, his mother must certainly be very proud of him."

Heath started down the stairs. "Come on, Monica, we'll be late for our reservations at the Paris Cafe."

"Sorry the visit was so short, boys," Monica apologized, following him down. "Oh, you boys, you...do all right, don't you?" 

"We're not needy," Matt replied, knowing what she really meant. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized hurriedly, blushing. "I didn't mean to insult you."

"I know this place is no estate like you're accustomed to," Danny told Monica. "And not even a nice middle class home. But we're happy. Give your money to someone else."

"Like the fine art fund," Heath agreed.

"All right. Really, I'm sorry. It's just that my father's estate is so big; I guess I underestimated you. Goodbye, boys."

After the door had closed on the departing visitors, Patrick rushed to the front window and pulled back the curtain partially, to gaze upon Monica without her noticing.

Timmy was seething after Heath's visit. "She's not so bad, Matt. But that Fletcher guy--!"

As Patrick gazed out the window, he saw Heath slip his hand around Monica's waist. She squirmed uneasily.

"You're right, Timmy," Matt said. "Even though I was insulted, I guess it could've been worse if she hadn't made that gesture to help us out. At least, we know **she** means well. But we can't allow ourselves to build up anger against Mr. Fletcher."

"He probably has his good side," Danny added, as Patrick watched Monica tell Heath something. It looked like she was saying, "Quit it, Heath!"

"He probably goes to church and all," Danny continued.

Monica pulled herself away from Heath's grasp. The chauffeur opened the door for her, and she eased over to the far end of the seat. Heath did not remain on his side of the car, but scooted over to be closer to her.

Patrick pulled away from the window. "Fellas, he's molesting her!"

The other three Innocents looked at each other. "Let's get him," Matt decided.

Remembering that Heath had mentioned the sidewalk Paris Cafe, the Four Innocents parked nearby it to make observations for their

strategy. Approaching on foot from a distance, they saw Heath and Monica at a table for two. "Yep, there they are," Timmy reported uselessly.

Heath eased closer to Monica, moving his lips uncomfortably close to her cheek. She grimaced slightly, but tried not to show any open disgust.

"What I wanna know is why she just doesn't belt him one,"

Timmy said.

"Maybe her parents would object," Patrick guessed. "I don't

know."

" _Garcon_!" they could overhear Heath shout. A waiter scurried

up to the table, and listened to Heath's demand. He then nervously hurried away.

"Scene maker," Timmy remarked.

"Spoiled brat, no doubt," Danny chimed in.

"Has to have everything his way," Matt added.

Heath then asked Monica something, and she gave lengthy,

monotonous reply.

"Hey, Patrick," Matt requested. "Move a little closer and see if you can hear what they're saying."

"Me?" Patrick asked, but reluctantly walked closer to the cafe and the couple's table, trying to look nonchalant but keeping his face turned away. He came back a moment later. "Get this,

fellas," he reported. "Heath's actually doing his job as a tutor. He's having her congregate--I mean, conjugate French verbs while they're here. At least, that's what I think they are. They could be Italian verbs for all I know."

"Yeah, okay," Matt silenced. "Good work, Patrick."

"Thank you," Patrick told him, always appreciating a compliment.

When the waiter returned with their meals, Heath looked at him with an expression of impatient disgust. He placed a steak in front of Heath and a dish of escargot by Monica.

"Hey, Patrick!" Danny cried. "You know what that is she's got?"

"No."

"Escargot."

"What's that?"

"Snails! You're in love with a snail eater!"

"I'd like to try escargot sometime," Timmy interrupted.

"I'm not in love with her!" Patrick protested. "I just think she's a nice girl."

"Well, you've got a crush on her anyway," Danny told him. "Timmy here was getting a bit jealous."

"I was not!" Timmy denied, in a similar manner to Patrick's complaint.

"Oh, don't worry, Timmy," Patrick said, affectionately teasing his friend. "I love you better. I love you all better. Each of you, not just as a group."

"The same goes for me, too, fellas, you know," Danny brought up. "I love each one of you better than all the girls of the world."

"That's nice," Matt remarked, then all four of them grew suddenly silent. Their open confession of love for each other had drawn incredulous stares from a couple of passerbys. Matt and Danny looked back at them until the strangers, shaking their heads, walked on.

"You can imagine what they thought!" Danny cried, and the four laughed, partly out of their senses of humor and partly out of their nervousness.

Then Patrick looked up and caught Heath looking in their

direction. The Innocent quickly turned his face away. "Hey, fellas, I think he saw us!"

"Impossible, man!" Matt replied, still laughing. "He couldn't have heard us from here."

"No, but he saw us."

"We better split," Danny decided without concern, sounding

like he had been gassed with nitrous oxide.

As they got back into their van, Patrick said, "I don't care if she does eat snails, she's a nice girl."

"I hope you're almost done with that painting," Matt told him. "I want to pay a visit to the Wellington estate sometime soon."

III

The Four Innocents made a date to visit Monica after school on Wednesday. At the estate, she greeted them, leading them into the hallway. "I'm so glad you finished the painting before my parents arrived home. That way, I can surprise them."

"Are you going to give it to them as a gift?" Danny wondered.

"No, I'm going to hang it up where a photograph of me was and see how long it takes them to notice. Here, Patrick, you can just lay that down here."

Patrick leaned the portrait against the wall. Monica reached into her purse and retrieved two hundred-dollar bills. "What is this for?" the boy wondered as she handed the money to him. His three bandmates watched on, incredulous at the large payment.

"Patrick, you're a very talented artist! My parents pay big money for original paintings by people like yourself."

"But I meant for you to have it as a gift." He tried handing it back to her, but she pretended not to see. 

Turning away, she said, "You wanted to see the new puppies, didn't you?"

The young-at-heart boys instantly fell in love with Beauty's Irish Setter puppies. Beauty, a friendly and trusting dog, let Monica and her companions near her litter. She even picked one puppy up and proudly placed it directly in front of Patrick.

"She must really like you," Monica remarked.

"He's good with animals," Danny said.

"They know he won't hurt them," Timmy added.

"What's that noise I hear?" Matt wondered, listening to something unseen. "It sounds like gunfire."

"Oh, that's just Heath shooting skeet," Monica replied. "He's an expert marksman. It's one of the few things besides French that he's really good at."

"What is it with that Heath fella anyway?" Matt questioned. "What exactly does he do here?"

Monica sighed, preparing to tell a long story. "Heath was supposed to be the heir to his father's millions, but it all went to pay off his debts when he died. Heath's actually impoverished now, but my father felt sorry for him, and hired him to teach me French. He let him move in, too, even though being a French tutor isn't exactly a twenty-four hour occupation. My parents feel better with someone else at the house besides me and the regular staff, anyway. They're often away, you see."

"Even if that someone else is someone like Heath?" Danny asked.

Monica shrugged, smiling resignedly. "Even someone like Heath. He **can** be annoying, but he's harmless."

Patrick and Timmy were listening to the hints about Heath, but seemed preoccupied with the puppies. "You're such a good mother," Patrick told Beauty, petting her. "You must be proud of your kids."

Timmy barked. On his hands and knees, he romped up to Patrick and bowled him over. Pulling himself up, Patrick patted Timmy instead. "And you're such a good puppy. Can I take you home?"

Monica giggled. "Those two will never grow up," Danny explained to her.

Matt picked a stick off the ground and threw it. "Go fetch it, boys."

"Get it yourself," Timmy snapped.

"I'll get it, Master," Danny said, and scurried after it. He came back a moment later, the dirty stick in his mouth. He spit it out at Matt’s feet. “There you go.”

“I don’t want to touch it now; it’s got your saliva on it,” Matt told him.

"I don't think _any_ of you will ever grow up," Monica observed.

The five played with the puppies for awhile, then a butler called Monica in. Her parents had phoned from Europe. "You can stay out here, boys," she told them. "I'll be back in awhile."

But shortly afterwards, Beauty and her family grew tired, so the bandmates strolled the lawns of the estate.

"We still got to find out about Heath," Matt said.

Suddenly, an arrow whizzed right in front of Patrick. He leaped back.

"What was that?" Timmy cried.

Danny picked up the arrow. "It wasn't Cupid, that's for sure."

Heath ran up, smiling in a forced manner. He carried a high-powered bow. "Oh, excuse me, boys, my arrow must have gone astray."

Danny kept hold of it. "Really? I heard you were an expert marksman."

Heath pulled the arrow out of his grasp. "Yes, you're quite right," he said with a sneer. "I could have hit your friend here if I had wanted to. But I purposefully didn't. You see, I'm not a killer, but I will fight for what's mine."

"Just what do you mean?"

Turning to Patrick, Heath said, "Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You have your sights set on Monica."

"Look, just leave him alone," Timmy ordered.

Heath ignored him. "Don't deny it, Keefe, I can tell you want her by the way you look at her‑‑and why else would you paint her portrait? Well, I'm warning you now, keep your filthy hippie hands off of her."

"I've never touched her!" Patrick argued. “Well, except to shake her hand.”

"Good," Heath sneered. "Make sure it stays that way." While Patrick's friends began to protest his attitude, Heath walked away. He turned back for a moment. "I don't even want your eyes on her anymore. And I suggest you leave these premises now."

IV

At home, the Four Innocents sat around on the bandstand. Patrick had his face held in his hands. "I still don't see how he could tell. I mean, I don't even have any intention of dating her."

"What I don't see is what business he has putting his paws all over that girl," Timmy remarked. "What a letch!"

"Poor Monica," Patrick commented. "It can't be easy for her

to put up with that. I mean, I know what a lot of people are saying now about anyone rich, that they don't need any pity cause they've got it perfect, and only people without money have problems.."

"Well, everyone's only human," Danny agreed. "Even those with money."

"Yeah," Matt said. "We gotta find out if she needs our help." The phone rang and he picked it up. "Oh, hi, Monica. We were just talking about you."

"Where'd you go?" she asked. "I came back out and you were gone."

"Oh, Heath chased us off the premises."

"Oh, he did, did he? He can be obnoxious sometimes. I'm sorry."

"Never mind, it's not your fault," Matt told her, and wondered if he should inform her about just exactly how Heath had gotten them to leave.

Before he could mention this, Monica asked, "May I speak to Patrick?"

"Pat‑‑? Yeah, okay." Matt glanced at him expectantly.

Patrick, wide‑eyed, looked over at Danny and Timmy. "Me?" 

He left the bandstand and retrieved the phone from Matt, who reminded him, "Don't forget to ask her about Fletcher."

"H‑hello?" Patrick greeted nervously.

"Hello, Patrick," Monica returned cheerfully. "I was just wondering if you'd like to accompany me at my party." 

"What?" Patrick cried in shock. "Oh, uh, well, how am I going to play bass for the band?"

"Oh, just stay near me in between sets."

"Oh, well, I, uh, guess I could do that. We're gonna be at the party anyway, so it's not like going out of the way or

anything."

"What are you talking about?" Monica said, laughing. "Going out of the way?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I was just rambling."

Over on the bandstand, Matt said to Timmy and Danny, "I wonder what this is all about."

"You know what it's about, Matt," Timmy told him. "Women's equality. I've had it happen to me before with Cindy Boyd."

"Oh, um, by the way, Monica," Patrick brought up. "The fellas wanted to know about Heath."

"Oh, he'll be there, too," she replied. "Unfortunately."

"No, well, what we wanted to know is if he was, er, being a nuisance to you?"

"Oh, so you noticed. Yeah, he's getting on my nerves," she said, sounding uncomfortable. "He keeps breathing down my neck. But if you stay with me during the party, that should keep him

away."

"I hope so," Patrick remarked, remembering Heath's threats. "Instead of drawing him nearer."

"Well, what could‑‑" Monica began, but Patrick interrupted. "But what about during our numbers?"

"Oh, I'll stay near the bandstand, I guess. Okay? See you then." She hung up.

"Oh, man!" Patrick groaned, turning to his friends. "She

wants me to be her date at the party."

"Hey, congratulations, Pat," Danny told him nonchalantly.

"You've made an impression. Wait'll we tell Ace about this."

"Aw, it's not like that," Patrick disagreed. "She just wants me around to keep Heath away."

"Well, what are you worried about then?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," Matt agreed. "Now we know how to help Monica with her problem."

"And at the same time, you get to spend a lot of time with

her," Danny continued.

"You might even get so accustomed to her at the party that

your crush will wear off," Timmy added.

"Gee, thanks, fellas!" Patrick cried. "I don't feel any

better."

"Hey, be cool," Danny suggested. "Just be yourself."

"Yeah, Danny, but this ain't like going to some fast food

place. This is a fancy estate!"

"Oh, right," Danny agreed, now a bit worried. "Well, I'm sure that if Monica invited you, she's not too worried."

"Are you sure I won't have to follow a certain dress code? Or have to hold my punch cup with my little finger extended or however those weird rules go? What if they don't even serve punch? What if they just have champagne and wine and alcohol?"

"Say what?" Matt demanded. "Slow down! I never heard you

talk so much before!"

"Calm down, Patrick," Danny reassured. "Now I've been out

with plenty of girls before, and all you need for a casual date‑‑Well, okay, in this case a casual date at a formal party‑‑All you need is a basic sense of politeness and respect, which you already have. You're certainly more well‑behaved than Heath, and he's supposed to be a classy fellow."

"I know why Monica asked for a date at the party," Timmy

remarked. "With us playing there, she can't possibly be stood up." 

"Don't give me any ideas," Patrick warned. "Why can't I just

secretly admire her from a distance?"

The next evening, Monica's parents arrived home. Monica stalled them in the hallway. "Notice anything different?"

"About what?" her mustached father asked.

"The hallway, the paint--I mean, the portraits," Monica suggested.

"No," Mrs. Wellington, a plump and rosy lady, said. She and her husband looked around discerningly.

It took them a few minutes, but they finally homed in on Patrick's work. "It was painted by one of the musicians playing at the party tomorrow," Monica explained. "His name's Patrick Keefe, and he's really very sweet." She giggled like a school girl.

"Oh, and is our daughter sweet on him?" Mr. Wellington teased.

She blushed. "Well...yes." She knew that others thought of Patrick as being on the effeminate side; he just did not fit many people's definition of manly. Monica was only too aware that he was male, his innocence being more sensual than another man's aggressive sexuality. She had heard such a tenderness in his voice when he spoke to his best friends or the puppies. It made her quiver; she wished he would talk to her like that.

Heath walked in, looking smug. 

Mrs. Wellington turned away. "Well, come on, dear, I'm hungry." She and her husband left for the kitchen, leaving Monica alone with Heath.

"What do you see in that Keefe kid?" he demanded.

"None of your business," she replied, crossing her arms. 

V

The Four Innocents were setting up their instruments before the party. Heath and Monica, among the relatives and close acquaintances already present, watched the last‑minute preparations. "Look at them, Monica," Heath pointed out with disgust, staring at the bandmates. "They didn't even bother to rent tuxedos."

"They probably can't afford them, Heath. Anyway, musicians can break the dress code, you know."

"No, I don't know."

Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Wellington accosted the Four Innocents. "Hello, we're Monica's parents," Mrs. Wellington announced royally. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Wellington," the mustached gentlemen exemplified.

"We just got back from Europe," Mrs. Wellington told them, eager for conversation. "Oh, it's really marvelous over there."

"I'd love to hear all about it," Matt said. "But do you mind us telling you something in confidence, sir and ma'am?"

"No, not at all," Mrs. Wellington said graciously, although in surprise. "Whatever could it be?"

"Let's go out in the hallway." The Four Innocents and the

Wellingtons, without much ado, stepped out of the ballroom. "You see, it's about Miss Wellington's tutor," Matt began nervously.

"We think he's been, well, how can I put this‑‑He's been molesting your daughter."

"Molesting our daughter!" Mrs. Wellington cried. "I don't

believe it."

"Nonsense!" Mr. Wellington chimed in. "He loves Monica too

much."

"That's exactly the problem," Danny explained. "He's coming

on to her too strongly."

"Oh, you mean he loves her in a romantic sort of way?" Mrs.

Wellington asked.

"Well, actually, on second thought, I'm not sure that love is

the right word," Danny replied. "But he does want her for his

own."

Patrick spoke up. "He caught me looking at Monica‑‑just

looking at her, nothing more‑‑and warned me to stay away."

"We saw him nuzzling her at a French cafe," Timmy added.

"I saw him put his arm around her waist," Patrick continued. "And she didn't like it one bit."

"Yeah, and she told Patrick on the phone herself that Heath was getting uncomfortably close," Danny mentioned.

"I can't believe this!" Mrs. Wellington exclaimed. "The Fletchers have been long time friends of ours." Monica's mother looked at her husband for help. "Well, what should we do?"

He shrugged. "It wouldn't be so bad if he were just taking

advantage of living in the lap of luxury‑‑"

"He's doing that, too," Danny pointed out.

"Oh, I know he's doing that, but I have money to burn. But taking advantage of our dear, sweet, baby daughter!" He paused in thought. "Well, keep this to yourself for now. Don't spoil the party. By the way, we love the painting."

The six returned to the ballroom, and the Wellingtons took off in a different direction than the Four Innocents, who returned to the bandstand. "Well, are they gonna do something about Heath or aren't they?" Timmy wondered.

Monica walked up to them. "Oh, there you are. Are you all set up?"

"Pretty much," Matt replied.

"Well, then," Monica began, and held out her arm for Patrick to take in his.

He could not figure out why she was holding up her limb in

this odd position. "Something wrong with your arm?" he asked

finally.

"No!" she laughed, and decided that she had better take

Patrick's arm herself. "Come on, silly!"

"Oh, okay." Patrick left the bandstand. "'Bye, fellas."

"'Bye, Patrick," they replied.

"Oh, you'll see them again in a few minutes, I'm sure," Monica remarked. "Would you like some fruit punch?"

"Fruit punch," Patrick sighed in relief. "Thank goodness, I thought you'd be serving champagne."

"I'm only seventeen, Patrick, and it's a teen party anyway."

More and more guests began to file in as the two sipped their drinks. "So, what songs are you doing?" she asked.

"Well, what we're doing tonight are songs like, well,

'Monica', in your honor‑‑"

"I didn't know there was such a song."

"There isn't. Well, there is now. We just wrote it for you." 

Monica blushed. "Oh, you shouldn't have."

"Oh, well, I can tell the fellas to leave it out if you want." 

"Oh, no! That's not what I meant. Leave it in, by all means! Though it will probably embarrass me."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, don't you dare apologize! It'll embarrass me in a good sort of way."

"Oh. Is there such a way?"

"What else are you playing?"

"Well, we're also doing, 'Don't Even Bother', 'You're for Me'‑‑"

"'You're for Me'‑‑" Monica repeated slowly as Heath walked up

behind her. "Isn't that the‑‑"

"No, he's not the one for you, Monica," Heath stated firmly.

"Oh, Heath, don't be silly!" Monica exclaimed. "It's the name of a song." She turned to Patrick. "It's the one you performed at the audition, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah, it is."

"Oh," Heath said, disappointed that he could no longer pursue this point.

"Why don't you go greet the guests at the door, Heath?" Monica suggested cheerfully.

"That's the butler's job," he muttered, but walked away

dejectedly.

"He's so ridiculous," Monica remarked to Patrick. "Just

forget about him."

"You know, Monica, my friends and I want to help you if you

feel he's harassing you."

Gesturing with a wave of her hand, she said, "Don't worry

about it. I can handle him."

"Are you sure?"

She became nervous. "It's all right, Patrick, it's all right! He makes me uncomfortable, but he hasn't beat me or abused me in anyway."

"But you still shouldn't have to put up with that."

"Look, just stay near me tonight so at least I can enjoy my party. After that, forget about me."

"Forget about you?" Patrick asked at the same moment in which Heath was returning. "I can't forget about you."

"Well, you'll just have to!" Heath insisted. "She's mine." "Heath!" Monica cried in exasperation. "I'm not yours! I

don't love you! Now, I'm sorry to have to hurt you, really I am, but that's just the way it is! Now, please, let's just enjoy

tonight's party."

He sniffled. "How can I enjoy it?" he wondered, and again

walked away, moping like a basset hound.

"Sheesh, he's trying to turn on the big baby charm all of the

sudden!" Monica observed. "Sorry about that little scene, Patrick. I hope I didn't make you too uneasy; you do seem like the sensitive type. But I just finally had to let him know."

"Yeah, perhaps that's all you needed to do. Just be firm with him." He sighed.

"What's wrong?" Monica asked.

"Oh, nothing. I guess I'm just not doing my job‑‑I mean,

keeping Heath away so you can enjoy the party."

"Oh, you're doing fine!"

"But he already bothered you twice."

"Oh, that's all right. I think he's getting the picture."

She was silent for a moment, but realizing something, turned back to Patrick. "You really don't think that's the only reason you're here, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just to keep Heath away?"

"Well, no," he began.

"Oh, good."

"I mean, I'm also gonna be playing with the band."

"No, I meant, you think the only reason I asked you to escort me at the party was to keep Heath away."

Patrick blushed. "Well, I, uh‑‑"

"No, silly, don't be silly! If that's all I wanted, I could've grabbed anyone. But I thought that you were, well, someone special."

"Me?" Patrick's voice was squeaky. Despite him liking her, her expression of it possibly being mutual made the Innocent agitated. 

"You're girl‑shy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I, uh, I do tend to avoid girls."

Matt came up to them. "It's time to play."

"Oh, excuse me, Monica," Patrick said. He and Matt returned to the bandstand, Monica following at their heels. She sat at the edge of the bandstand as she had said she would.

Heath noticed this and could stand no more. Before the Four Innocents could even get in two notes of "You're for Me", he ran up on stage, snatching the microphone away from Danny, who cried, "What the heck are you doing?"

"Monica, you can't do this to me!" Heath began. The whole

crowd of guests stared in his direction.

"Heath! Quit it!" she cried, standing up and moving away from the bandstand.

"Monica, you don't realize how much I need you!" Heath continued dramatically. "That night that I first met you, I knew that, well, 'you're for me'."

"How'd he know what song we were gonna play?" Matt whispered to Timmy.

"I can offer you so much more than he ever can!" Heath argued, grabbing Patrick by the arm. Patrick turned red again, joining Monica in this manner, for her face had already turned several shades of red. Heath shoved Patrick back, and the boy tumbled into Timmy's drum set, causing cymbals to crash. "I can't keep my mind off you," Heath continued to Monica above the din. "Every waking moment, all I can think about is you."

"I'm thinking about throwing up," Timmy whispered to Danny. "Even you never get that bad."

"Well, what do you expect?" Danny replied defensively. "I'm not interested in girl possession."

"Will you be quiet back there?" Heath demanded. "I'm not

through with my speech!"

"Yes, you are," Mrs. Wellington announced, marching with her

husband and two guards up to the bandstand. As the two guards

dragged the infuriated Heath away, she continued, "You and I will have a little talk later, if you're willing to discuss logic. But no one ruins Monica's charity ball!"

"Monica, please!" Heath called out.

She stood up. "Wait!" The guards stopped, and she walked up to Heath. "Heath, I'm sorry."

"Monica, you're the only girl who was ever nice to me," he said, sobbing as he kneeled on the floor. "I can't help it."

She squeezed his shoulder. "I know, Heath, times have been hard for you lately. Do you love me, Heath?"

He looked up at her. "Yes, I just said I did."

"Then you have to let me go. Do you understand?" She thought about telling him she didn't love him again, but said instead, "I'm not ready for this yet. Sometimes love means letting go instead of holding on."

Heath nodded tearfully. "You're right. Maybe things will be different someday."

"Maybe," Monica agreed. "Right now, you worry about taking care of yourself and getting back on your feet. You've got a bright future ahead of you; I don't want you spoiling your chances."

"Yes, dear, get a hold of yourself," Mrs. Wellington advised. "If you shape up, perhaps you'll be allowed to stay on as tutor, if Monica thinks it will be all right."

"We'll see, Mother," Monica said.

"But we are asking you to leave for now until you calm down." Heath stood up, and in a dignified manner, let himself be escorted out by the guards.

VI

"I'm so embarrassed," Monica remarked to Patrick after the

Four Innocents had finished their first set of songs.

"Oh, don't be," he suggested. "Maybe you should be proud."

"Oh, no, not proud," she insisted. "I don't want that kind of attention."

"Oh, well, at least I guess I don't have to keep Heath away anymore."

"No, but you can still stay with me. After all, you're not here just for that reason," she reminded him.

"I'm here for three reasons," he recalled.

"By the way, Patrick, you will show me some of your other paintings some time, won't you?"

"Oh, sure."

"Did you ever do a self‑portrait?"

"Yes, in art class, but I threw it away."

"Didn't look enough like you?"

"No. Looked too much like me."

"Why, that's no problem. I think you're very cute."

"You do?"

"Patrick, that's the third time tonight I've seen you blush! Yes, you are very cute‑‑and sweet, and innocent. You're like one big, cuddly baby deer!" Reaching up, she kissed his cheek. "Yikes!" he yelped, falling over.

Aside to his wife and Patrick's bandmates, Mr. Wellington, winking, remarked proudly, "My daughter certainly does have a way with men." He paused, then added, "Oh, and thanks for warning us, young men. If there's anything you want from us, just ask."

Matt looked at Danny and Timmy, then turned back to the

Wellingtons. "Oh, we can't just filch off your wealth like that, Mr. Wellington. We don't want you to get the idea that we're

freeloaders."

"Well, just one favor, please!" Mr. Wellington insisted.

"What's that?" Matt asked.

"No, I mean let me grant you at least one favor sometime. It can be anytime in the future; it doesn't have to be now. Anytime you need anything, just call."

"We're rich, you know," Mrs. Wellington remarked. "We can afford it."

"Well, okay, we'll keep it in mind," Matt agreed.

On the drive home, Danny asked Patrick, "So she's seeing you

again tomorrow?"

"Only in a sense. I'm showing her some of my other paintings and I'm going to let her take one home. But as for us going steady or anything like that, well, of course not. Both of us would rather not."

"She probably needs some breathing space after Heath," Danny guessed. "But how'd you get to discussing a thing like that on a simple pseudo‑date like this?"

"Oh, well, I just got scared, so I started blurting out things about being celibate and all that."

"And then what did she say?"

"She told me not to worry. She said she realized she could never 'seduce a fawn', she put it."

"A fawn!" the other three cried.

"A baby deer,” he explained. “Not that she ever would seduce anyone, of course," Patrick continued. "Cause Monica, she's pure and sweet‑‑"

"'As nice a girl as you'd ever meet,'" the other three joined in, quoting from their new song.


	3. Contemporaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by The Monkees episode "Your Friendly Neighborhood Kidnappers" by Dave Evans

CONTEMPORARIES

I

"So far we've only played a couple of private parties," Matt said at a meeting at the kitchen table. "But now we can break into the circuit of southern California bands." He lay a newsprint magazine down on the table. It was folded to a full page advertisement: "BATTLE OF THE BANDS".

Timmy shivered. "It makes me nervous just thinking about it."

Danny was of a differing opinion. "Hey, that's great. Now we can get to know who our contemporaries are, and they can get to know us, and just think of the club people who will be watching the show--maybe even record people who will be watching."

They all looked at Patrick, who shrugged. "Sure, it's our duty. But I'm nervous, too."

"Well, so am I," Matt confessed.

Danny lay his hand out in the middle of the table. "Let's do it."

In agreement, his bandmates piled their hands on top of his.

On Saturday, the Four Innocents entered the registration hall. The first local band they saw were a costumed male quartet, wearing alabaster colored leotards and tights, and what looked like skirts of artificial leaves around their waists. All exposed skin was plastered with white makeup. "Boy, they go all out," Danny observed. "See, we don't need to be embarrassed about getting monks' tunics, like I suggested."

Timmy glanced around, noticing all the other costumed bands. "Yeah, I feel stupid for dressing normally."

"Halloween keeps coming earlier every year," Matt remarked wryly.

The leaf-clad band spotted them, and with a wicked gleam in their eyes, approached. "What have we here?" one asked. "The Four Everyday Hippies?"

"Hardly," Danny told them. "We're the Four Innocents, that's who we are. What are you, the Leafy Greens or something?"

"We're the Fig Leaves," the crew-cut spokesman for the band replied. "We've been serving the public since sixty-four. You guys new?"

"Yeah, we played our first gig this past month," Matt said.

"Just babies," a short, curly-haired Fig Leaf remarked.

"Yeah, virgins," a dark-haired one said.

"Well, they are innocents," the spokesman pointed out.

"What's your name anyway?" Danny wondered.

"We told you, the Fig Leaves!" was the sharp retort.

"No, I mean, individually. Like I'm Danny, this is Matt, Timmy, and this is Patrick."

"Oh, honored, I'm sure," the spokesman returned. "I'm Oliver, this is Beanie, there's Bill and that's Zack. But what's it matter? Everyone says they can't tell us young people apart anyway."

"Who are some of the other bands around here?" Danny asked. "Oh, wait, there's Espionage. Remember, Patrick, we saw them at that club that time with Caprice?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember them," Patrick said.

"And there's the Waves," Timmy pointed out. "I saw them once."

"Where'd you get a name like the Four Innocents anyway?" Oliver asked.

Danny was beginning to catch on to the underlying derisiveness of everything the other band had said to them. "Where'd you get a name like the Fig Leaves?" he returned.

"Well, we we're thinking of the Weeds," Oliver explained. "Not after weeds but after 'the weeds', if you know what I mean, but some group playing down on Sundown Street had already grabbed that idea. So we opted for Fig Leaves because it also had a certain connotation to it."

"What connotation?" Patrick wondered innocently.

Curly-haired Beanie took over, speaking in a patronizing tone. "It has to do with those Greek and Roman statues and what they sometimes put over a guy to cover up for the fact that he's naked."

"Oh," Patrick said, still not getting it.

"But Four Innocents...?" Oliver asked. "That sounds squeaky clean, unless it's sarcastic."

"Why does a band have to have a name with a dirty or narcotic connotation?" Timmy asked.

Oliver shrugged. "It's more fun that way. So it's not tongue-in-cheek, then?"

"No, we like being clean," Timmy defended proudly.

The Fig Leaves laughed. "You're out of it," Oliver remarked. "I bet you guys have never even done any of the weeds."

"No, and we don't intend to start," Matt stated. "Come on, fellas, let's go register."

The rival band picked up on the fact that Matt just wanted to get away from them. "Well, bye. See ya. Behave yourself now, you hear?" they called out mockingly as the Four Innocents left their presence. "Don't do anything that we wouldn't do."

"There's plenty of bands without suggestive names," Timmy protested to his bandmates. "Like Espionage, the Waves.."

"Yeah, we know that, Timmy," Danny said. He glanced back at the Fig Leaves. "It's just that they don't."

II

Danny and Timmy visited St. Francis Park the next afternoon. While strolling along the sidewalk, Danny suddenly grabbed Timmy's arm and pointed across the lake. "Hey, recognize those four guys?"

Timmy peered into the distance. "No," he replied, shaking his head.

"It's those Fig Leaf blokes. Out of costume."

"Are you sure? We saw so many different bands the other day."

"Positive. That blond crew cut guy is Oliver, the shorter one with the tight brown curls is Beanie. And that other blond guy with the long sideburns is Zack, and Bill's the one with the black hair."

"Man, you're good at remembering people," Timmy remarked. "I never was any good at it."

"You three just aren't social enough," Danny chided.

"Yeah, but who wants to be social with them?" Timmy wondered, gesturing at the Fig Leaves. "They don't like our type--namely, squeaky clean."

Danny turned to Timmy, his face revealing a plot was on his mind. "I've got an idea--"

"Oh, no," Timmy moaned. "No no no no no no. There's four of them and only two of us."

"Oh, come on, Timmy..." Danny began, then set his sights on something new. "But there **are** only two of them."

"What?" Timmy asked, gazing in the direction of his partner's stare. He saw two girls, decked out in shorts and halter tops. The dark-haired one also carried a camera. "The blonde and the brunette?"

"Well, what'll it be, Timmy?" Danny asked, winking. "The Fig Leaves or the girls?"

Brunette Megan and blond Sandra were two young women visiting from Australia. In the last few days, they had exhausted themselves sightseeing. Now they were taking it easy with a day at the park.

Suddenly, two strange boys ran up to them. "There you are!" Danny cried. "We've been looking all over for you two!"

"Pardon me?" Megan asked. "Do we know you?"

"Don't you remember us? We're you're old friends, Danny and Timmy, from California."

"You sound like you're from Britain to me," Sandra remarked.

"I moved. Don't you know us?"

In confusion, the two girls shook their heads.

Danny slapped his forehead. "Timmy, what's today's date?"

"April third, 1966."

"Well, no wonder they don't know us yet. We first met them on November nineteenth, 1986." He looked back at the girls. "We're time travellers, you see. Or rather you will see, in the future. We met you a bit early, before you met us."

"That's the strangest pick-up line I've ever heard," Megan said.

"Oh, we're not trying to pick you up. We're time-travelling monks. You're just friends of ours."

"Well, monks or not, two girls alone can't be too careful," Megan stated. "Especially around time-travellers. Come on, Sandra, let's go."

"Well, until we meet again," Danny told them.

The next meeting wasn't that far off. Danny and Timmy had continued walking around the park, looking for fair game. They came by the lake, where paddleboats were docked. A gazebo was nearby, providing shade for weary visitors. Danny and Timmy climbed up its steps, and grabbing hold of the columns, only the front of their feet on the flooring, they tilted as far back as they could go.

"Oh, there you are," they heard a feminine and Australian voice say. Megan and Sandra ran up.

"Do we know you?" Danny asked.

"Well, we're about twenty years early," Sandra played along.

Danny laughed, and he and Timmy jumped down onto the grass.

"We want someone to take a picture of the two of us by the gazebo," Megan said, handing the camera to Danny.

He handed it to Timmy. "Here, my mate here likes hobbies."

"I'm not into photography," Timmy reminded him. "Well, at least, not yet."

The two girls posed, and Timmy snapped their picture.

Then Danny grabbed the camera back from Timmy. "Wait! Timmy, get over there with them."

"Why would they want me over there with them?" his friend wondered.

"Just do it."

"Come on," Sandra encouraged. "We'll send you a copy once we get your address."

Timmy shyly walked over. "Stand in between them," Danny directed. "Good. Now, girls, when I say 'cheese', I want you to both kiss him."

"What!" Timmy exclaimed.

"Cheese!" Danny cried.

Right on cue, Megan and Sandra kissed Timmy, one on each cheek. He blushed vivid red.

"Perfect," Danny said after taking the photograph. "Now how'd you girls like to go for some paddleboating?"

"That was a really fun afternoon," Megan remarked to Danny and Timmy.

"Fair dinkum," Sandra agreed, as the two boys and two girls walked off the dock and back onto the grass.

"We'll escort you to your car," Danny offered, and they headed for the outskirts of the park.

On the way, they were accosted by the Fig Leaves. "Well, what have we here?" Oliver wondered. "Two monks out with their nuns? That doesn't make sense."

"Hello, blokes," Danny greeted.

"Why don't you ditch these two and come along with us?" Zack asked the girls. "We'll show you a lot better time, and it's two boys for each of you."

"No, thanks," Megan said, and Sandra also shook her head.

"Oh, come on, be friendly," Beanie insisted.

"They said no, in case you didn't hear the first time," Danny stated emphatically.

"Let's not be unsociable," Beanie continued, slipping his arm around Megan's waist.

"Let go!" She pulled herself away, and stood behind Danny.

Beanie would not drop the issue. "Aw, come on, sugars, all we want is a little kiss."

"Oh, is that all you want?" Danny asked. Suddenly he grabbed Beanie, and pulling him forward, planted a kiss upon his cheek. The girls laughed.

"Why, you little faggot!" Beanie cried. "Let's get him,

guys--and his redhead friend."

"Sorry, girls, we've gotta go," Danny said.

"Nice meeting ya," Timmy added, and he and his partner took off, the Fig Leaves in hot pursuit.

Danny ran under a tree, and jumped up to grab a heavy branch. He scrambled into the limbs. "Come on, Timmy."

"Danny, I'm no good at that tree-climbing bit." The rival bandmates were homing in on him. "Oh oh. I better go."

Danny watched as the Fig Leaves ran by his hiding spot, chasing Timmy. Then he jumped down and ran after the Fig Leaves.

It took a moment before they noticed he was following them. Oliver drew the band to a stop. "Hey, wait a minute kid, we're supposed to be chasing you, not you us." Up ahead, Timmy had stopped to see what was going on.

"Go figure," Danny said with a shrug.

Timmy rejoined Danny. "Come on, let's get home."

"What are you gonna do there?" Beanie wondered. "Make it?"

"Make what?" Danny asked. "Make some lemonade? Make a mess? Make the scene?"

"Make the bed?" Timmy chimed in.

"We'll make mincemeat out of you," Oliver insisted. Timmy and Danny decided it best to flee, and the Fig Leaves once more were hot on their heels.

Timmy took the lead, and he and Danny ran up near a policeman, stopping a few feet before they reached him. They walked casually the rest of the way.

"Hello, Officer," Timmy greeted. "Nice day out, isn't it?"

The cop eyed them suspiciously, but returned the greeting. "Yes, it is rather nice."

"Don't be put on by our appearances," Timmy told him. "We're not anti-establishment rebel youth. Well, we are nonconformist, and we don't agree with a lot of previously established so-called rules, but we do respect authority."

Meanwhile, the Fig Leaves, seeing their rivals standing right by a policeman, decided to give up.

"That's the problem with kids today," the officer said. "They have no respect for the law. They say it's because we have no respect for them, police brutality and all that. Now, personally, I'm against the use of unnecessary force, but some of my comrades who've been guilty of beating teens say it's because they're angered by the kids' lack of respect for them. It's a lose-lose situation."

"A vicious cycle," Danny commented. "Say, can you show us your police car? I've always wanted to see how a siren works."

"Sure, you kids are all right."

In this way, the Partners in Crime were able to safely reach the parking area and their van.

III

It was the night of the contest. The Four Innocents stood backstage, amongst various other musicians. "Man, I hope we don't run into those Fig Leaf fellas again," Timmy fretted.

"Well, we're going to," Danny said. "They're in the contest, too."

"We go on right before them, you know," Matt told his bandmates.

"Really?"

"Yeah, and right after Espionage. We're the second to last group."

"What have we got to do till then?" Timmy wondered.

"Just listen to the other bands, I suppose," Danny replied.

"I'm gonna see if I can get some chips or something," Patrick said, and walked away.

The first bands had already started performing, and the music was loud even in the hallway where the vending machine stood. Sensing that someone was watching him, Patrick felt the hairs on his neck rise. He looked around from the machine, but saw no one. He placed his change in and retrieved his snack.

"Hey, kid!" someone cried suddenly. Patrick yelped, and dropped the bag of chips.

"Relax, it's only us," Oliver said. "The Fig Leaves." He and his three bandmates walked up.

Patrick could think of nothing to say.

"What, you're not relaxed around us?" Beanie asked. Zack and Bill each grabbed one of Patrick's arms and dragged him towards the exit. "I wonder why."

"What are you doing?" Patrick demanded worriedly.

"We're just going outside for some fresh air," Beanie replied, holding the door open.

Oliver picked up the discarded bag of chips, and tore it open. "Gee, thanks, my favorite brand." He started to eat them as he watched his bandmates pulling Patrick over the threshold.

"HELP!" Patrick shouted, but he knew it was to no avail.

"Think they're gonna hear you over that din?" Oliver pointed out. He followed the others outside, retrieving his keys from his shoe.

Patrick kicked and squirmed, but could not break free. Oliver opened the trunk to the Fig Leaves' car, and Zack and Bill tossed their captive in.

"I wonder what's taking Patrick so long," Matt said.

"Maybe he's so nervous he's throwing up," Timmy suggested. "I know that's what I feel like doing."

Danny ran up. "Hey fellas, they just announced Espionage! Patrick better get back here in a hurry."

"We better go look for him," Matt decided. "Let's split up and meet back here. And don't waste any time."

Danny entered the restroom, and saw Beanie inside. "Say, have you seen Patrick?"

"Nope," Beanie replied. He opened the door to the janitor's closet. "Maybe he's in here?"

"There's nobody--" Danny began. Then he was kicked into the closet himself. 

On a hunch, Matt walked into the parking lot, calling out Patrick's name as he walked by the vehicles. He stopped. From somewhere, he could hear a muffled, but vaguely familiar cry. "Patrick?" He listened closer. He heard the sound of fists pounding, and located the source as the Fig Leaves' car. "Patrick, man, what are you doing in the trunk? We better get you out of there quick."

"Matt!" That was Timmy. The Four Innocents' bandleader whirled around, and saw his friend drag himself out of a dumpster. Matt ran up to assist his drummer.

"What are you doing in there, man?"

"Those Fig Leaf fellas threw me in," Timmy replied between gags. He groaned. "Now I really feel like throwing up."

"Patrick's locked in a car trunk," Matt told him.

"We better call the police or someone," Timmy said. "I doubt the Fig Leaves will give us the key."

Backstage, the contest manager was having a fit. "The Four Innocents are supposed to be on stage. Where are they?"

"They were getting really stoned last time I saw them," Oliver said. "They must be too high to care."

"Damn drug addicts."

"Fortunately, we aren't into that scene," Oliver continued. "But those Four Innocents fellows are really irresponsible."

"I guess we better just go on now, right, Mister Contest Manager?" Beanie asked hopefully.

"Guess so," the man said. "You're on. And the Four Innocents are disqualified."

By the time the Fig Leaves had finished their song, a police car had arrived. One of the officers picked the trunk lock and helped Patrick out. "Thanks," said Patrick, after taking in a few big gulps of air.

"Well, thanks, officer," Matt acknowledged. "We better go find Danny. He's probably worried about us."

"Wait a minute," the policeman said. "Obviously, someone thought it would be fun to lock your friend in here. Do you have any idea who that someone might be?"

"Yes, sir," Matt said. "Our rival band, the Fig Leaves. I bet they did it."

"I know they did it," Timmy remarked. "Look, why don't you report whatever to the police, and I'll go get Danny."

"I'll come with you," Patrick said. "Don't worry, officers, I'll be back in a few moments."

Before going backstage, Patrick and Timmy entered the restroom, talking about the events of the night. Pounding suddenly started from the janitor's closet. "Hey, fellas, I'm in here!"

"Looks like they got him, too," Timmy observed, unlocking the door.

Danny was in a rage when he got out. "Man, if I get my hands on the Beanie bloke--!"

"Don't," Timmy advised. "We don't want this to turn into a vicious cycle of revenge."

The Fig Leaves exited the auditorium, heading back to their car. They spotted the Four Innocents. "Hey, guys, we made the finals tomorrow night," Beanie said. "It's too bad you couldn't make it."

"Those are the ones, officers," Danny said, pointing an accusing finger at the other band.

The two policemen walked menacingly towards the Fig Leaves, who backed away nervously. "Aw, now, officers," Oliver pleaded. "We were just playing a little joke."

"A little joke which could have caused someone to die by suffocation," the first officer said.

"You can explain all about your little joke downtown," the second informed them.

IV

The Four Innocents sat on a wall outside the auditorium, gloomily watching the audience leave the building. Suddenly, Danny leaped down. "Hey! I know those two girls!"

Timmy looked up. "Yeah, it's Megan and Sandra. I wonder what they're doing here."

Danny waved and jumped up and down. "Hey, girls! Over here."

The two Australians noticed them and came over. "I thought you said you guys were in a band," Megan said. "How come you weren't in the contest?"

"Tragedy befell us," Danny explained. "Our act was sabotaged by those Fig Leaf blokes."

"They threw me in a dumpster and locked Patrick in a car trunk," Timmy told them.

"And they locked me in a closet," Danny added.

"So now we're disqualified and we didn't even get a chance to play," Matt complained.

"Oh, that's too bad, considering it wasn't even your fault," Sandra remarked.

"And it's even worse thinking those Fig Leaves made it to the finals," Megan chimed in.

"Well, at least, **they** might not be able to show tomorrow night," Danny said. "The coppers took them downtown."

"Where they belong," Megan observed. "Look, chaps, seeing as it wasn't your fault, I'll see what I can do about getting you to fill their time slot tomorrow night."

"How are you going to do that?" Danny wondered.

"Well, don't you know? We're judges."

"In Australia, we're a popular singing duo," Sandra informed the Four Innocents. "We're the Diamond Sisters. We're not over here purely on holiday."

"You'll have to sing for us sometime," Danny said. "Hey, you want to come over our house for awhile and jam or something? We live right near the ocean."

"All right, we trust you blokes," Megan agreed. 

"But if those Fig Leaves invited us home, I'd say we should run for our lives and our maidenhood," Sandra remarked.

The next night, the Four Innocents were allowed to perform. Everything had been explained to the contest manager, who realized that this was the band that was clean, and it was really the Fig Leaves who were naughty. The Fig Leaves, incidentally, were nowhere to be seen.

The Four Innocents did not receive any big honors--more experienced bands won the prizes. But the novice bandmates did not make fools of themselves, either, and were rather pleased with their performance in their first contest.

V

About a week later, back in Australia, Megan and Sandra were looking at their photographs from their American trip. 

"Those Four Innocent boys were really nice," Sandra said wistfully.

"Yeah, I wish we could have taken them back down under with us," Megan chimed in. "They were so cute, especially--"

"Timmy," Sandra broke in.

"Yeah, Timmy," Megan agreed. Smiling, she examined the photo of the two of them kissing him. "He's gonna love this," she said as she slipped the photo into a large envelope and sealed it. 


	4. Amity on the Four Innocents' look

AMITY ON THE FOUR INNOCENTS’ LOOK

**Q: What were the Four Innocents’ clothing styles?**

“Well, around 1966, they wore regular shirts, usually patterned, the stuff you find in department store catalogs. Francene and I are more than a painter and photographer, though, we’re seamstresses, so we helped them find more intense ways to express themselves, and goodness knows, it seemed like the whole young generation followed, as though the Innocents were famous trendsetters.

“Matt looked sexy in denim jackets or buckskin tops. Lots of fringes. Tight jeans—but not too tight! I tell ya, that guy was virile! I bet a lot of girls would think it a waste for him to be celibate instead of spreading some of what he’s got around, but Francene and I always respected the Innocents’ celibacy. He looked good in just a t-shirt and jeans, too. 

“Timmy liked ethnic clothing—caftans, dashikis, East Indian jackets, and the like. He liked beads—he often wore multiple strings. He liked his jeans flared, with maybe something painted up the side of them, like bars of drum notes.

“Patrick looked sweet in peasant blouses and other Medieval/Renaissance tops. Too bad we couldn’t get him to wear the tights to complete the look! After Francene showed him how, he was fond of stringing up his own love bead necklaces.

“Danny didn’t go so wild on the psychedelic side. He preferred colored but rather normal shirts, really. Turtlenecks and such. Like the others, he was fond of jeans, especially pinstriped ones. Sometimes he wore a necklace, especially if Patrick made it. He had interesting choices in foot wear—he had a pair of boxing shoes, and another mis-matched pair of bowling shoes. I don’t know how he got a hold of either of them.

“Their beach attire was all denim cutoffs, with old ropes acting as belts.

“Their night attire was just standard pajamas, though no night caps!

“Oh, in case you’re wondering, and I know you are—Timmy and Patrick wore plain boxers, and Matt and Danny wore briefs. Y-fronts, Danny called them. Danny’s were red.

“So there you have it. What the Four Innocents looked like from day to day.”


	5. Francene on the gigs

FRANCENE ON THE GIGS

**Q: What was it like to see the Four Innocents in concert?**

First, there were comic intros they'd come up with for each other, generally done by Matt or Danny. "Timmy Rowe--drummer, singer, a California boy, and general weirdo..."etc.

Danny, in gigs, sometimes jumped down from the stage and encouraged audience members to clap and sing along. He’d kiss girls' hands. "Oh, is that your boyfriend? Sorry, I thought he was your brother," was his reply to jealous looks.

Timmy used Muro drums. He preferred it to the Consorts’ Van Beet drums for reasons he could never quite explain to me. He could handle singing while playing the drums.

When Matt played guitar, he could make it scream for mercy. I mean, it was intense. And I always thought he looked so hot playing guitar, as though if he weren’t celibate, he could sire thirty-four kids. 

When I think of Innocents pairs, usually Danny and Timmy playing “Partners in Crime” comes to mind, but on stage, it was Matt and Patrick’s chance to shine. Circling each other, aiming their guitars at each other—they never looked closer. Matt drew Patrick out of his shell. He wasn’t shy once he got going on stage. 

Sometimes, Patrick would take a break from guitar and play piano. If they used their piano from home, it had their name painted down the side. They also had the Japanese symbol for friendship painted on Timmy’s bass drum head. 

They had different vocal styles. Matt was steady, calming, with an older brother feeling. Danny was made for the stage, projecting, exuberant, cheerful, adapting. Timmy was angst-ridden, passionate, intense, but could also be humorous. Patrick was quiet, tender, shy, reserved, and preferred harmonies with friends. 

And, boy, together, their voices in harmony created an amazing blend--gorgeous four part harmonies! They blended their four parts into one body of music in a way only soulmates can. In their music, their love of each other was infectious, enveloping the audience--for a moment, they felt the power and intensity and tenderness of that love, whether it was a fun time song, a soft and tender ballad, or a hard-rocking compelling number of driving force. In all their versatility, the friendship theme was the core of their music.


	6. Predicaments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was influenced by The Monkees episode "Too Many Girls" by Dave Evans, Gerald Gardner, and Dee Caruso

PREDICAMENTS

I 

Danny had been on several dates lately, and his friends were tired of it. They worried he might even fall in love.

"Fellas, you don't trust me enough," Danny reprimanded. "I told you, no one can force me to fall in love! And even if I do fall in love, I can control my actions. I want a long-term relationship with a girl even less than you want me to have one."

He sighed. "Look, all I ask is your trust."

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. "I am getting

it, fellas," Danny announced emphatically. He opened the door and glanced down. "Oh, it is a girl, fellas. The sweetest, cutest

girl I've ever seen. I'll never forget this face."

The other three curiously bounded up to the door, and saw a

six year old, wide eyed brunette, shuffling her feet. "Would you like to buy some candy?" she mumbled shyly, on the verge of tears over her ordeal.

"She's irresistible, isn't she?" Danny asked.

"Oh, all right," Matt consented. "We can fit it into our

budget."

As the four snacked on the candy they had just bought, Danny asked, "So, fellas?"

"What?" Matt asked.

"Are you going to trust me?"

His three bandmates looked at each other. "We are being irrational, aren't we?" Matt confessed. The other two agreed, looking ashamed of themselves.

"Good," Danny stated.

II

The Four Innocents were strolling the streets of downtown Santa Virginia. They passed by a crowd of giggling girls in shorts and tee shirts. Emblazoned on their tops were the insignias of a few universities. The excited young females surrounded the Four Innocents as they passed. "Oh, look, Margie, isn't he cute?" a blonde squealed, pinching Timmy's cheek. He blushed.

"They're all cute, Beatrix!" replied Margie, a brunette.

"Oh, wouldn't they be perfect as judges in our beauty

contest?" Beatrix continued.

"Beauty contest?" the boys exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, we're having a beauty contest on the beach," explained another blond, whom the other girls called Dina. 

"Hey, we live on the beach," Danny pointed out.

"Wonderful! How exciting!" she cried. "We're looking for

judges amongst the boys who go to the beach."

"Well, beauty contest, I don't know," Matt replied, as Patrick and Timmy shuffled their feet shyly. "Why can't your fellow male collegians be judges?"

"Because they're losers," Beatrix contended.

"Yeah, except for Joe," Dina said. "He's signing up judges for us. We want to see what the local boys think of us anyway." "I'll be glad to help out," Danny told the girls. "If my

friends will let me." He looked at his bandmates for their

opinion. "I promise that I won't date any of the contestants."

"Well, when is this contest?" Matt asked.

"Tomorrow," Dina replied.

"Okay."

"Oh, thank you, Matt!" Danny cried.

"Wonderful!" Margie cried. "Just go through this door right here, and tell Joe that you're going to be one of the judges."

"Okay. I'll be back in a few minutes, fellas."

After Danny had gone inside, the girls gathered around the

other three. "Are you sure you won't consider being judges, too?" Margie cooed, putting her arms around Matt. Beatrix and Dina did likewise to Timmy and Patrick.

Danny entered a room which, except for a fold out table and some chairs, was empty. "Hello?" he called out. "Joe? Are you here?" He stood still, hearing the noise of another person. It was a girl, though, and she was crying.

Danny walked into a hallway, following the noise. It was coming from behind the door of the ladies' lounge. Timidly, Danny rapped upon the door. "Hello, Miss? Are you all right?"

"Come in," was the reply.

Danny stepped in warily. A short‑haired redhead sat on a couch across from the mirror. She wore a miniskirt and a bright top, and looked cute and innocent.

"I have a feeling I shouldn't be in here," Danny remarked.

"It's all right, there's nobody else here," the girl said.

Danny sat down next to her. "I'm Danny Selwyn. The girls outside asked me to be a judge in the beauty contest. Are you one of the contestants? Wait, don't answer that, it's a stupid question." 

"Well, I was going to be, but I'm not sure now."

"Why not?"

"My boyfriend just met another girl while we were here on Spring Break. I'm not sure I'm up to doing things like being in contests and all that."

"That's terrible."

Her eyes looked into the past. "We met in college. We were talking about getting married this summer. This Spring Break was supposed to be a romantic time for us. But you know how these college holidays can get morally out of hand."

Danny squeezed her shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear things are going so hard for a cute girl like you."

She smiled weakly. "You seem like a nice boy."

Danny shrugged.

"You wanna go out with me?" she asked.

Danny was taken aback. "What?"

She winked. "There's still a chance I can get Frank to come back to me."

Danny chuckled. "Oh, I see..." He heard his bandmates' voices in the hallway. "I better go now, er, what's your name?"

"Robyn Brody." She stood up to follow him out the door.

"I'll be glad to help," he told her.

"Then meet me back here tomorrow morning."

He paused at the door. "Is afternoon okay? I have to go to church in the morning."

"All right. How about oneish?"

"Sure." They exited.

Matt, Timmy, and Patrick were right outside the door. "What were you doing in the ladies' room?" Timmy wondered.

Danny waved explanations aside. "It's a long story."

"You ready to go home?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow, Robyn."

"Another date?" Matt wondered, sounding pained.

"Yeah, I guess you could call it that. But don't worry, it's nothing serious."

III

After meeting at the registration hall, Robyn and Danny headed for a beach cookout her fellow students were having. "Frank's sure to be there," she said with confidence, then grew worried. "I hope."

As they came within sight of the other collegians, Robyn took hold of Danny's arm. "We have to look like we're dating," she explained.

Danny winked. "Right. Tell me one thing, though, Robyn--If this Frank bloke treats you the way he did, why do you want him back? Why not get a new boyfriend?"

"You mean like you?"

"No, I don't mean me. I was honestly just wondering why."

She smiled apologetically. "I love him."

"Isn't that always the way?"

"Besides, Frank isn't doing this out of cruelty. The girl who took a liking to him is rich, and Frank's always thinking about his family's future security."

"Sure," Danny said doubtfully.

"Really. All the time, when I visited his parents' house, they were saying, 'Marry rich, marry rich.'"

"Well, he should think about love first."

"I know. That's what I hope to convince him of."

"Is he here?"

Robyn scanned the crowd. "Yeah. There he is--on a blanket with her." She pointed them out. He was a well-toned and tan young man with curly brown hair. She was a scarlet haired bombshell.

Robyn marched forward, purposeful in stride, Danny towed along beside her. "Hi, Frank," she greeted, snidely.

Frank looked down at the ground. "Uh, hi, Robyn."

"See, she's already found someone new," the bombshell said. "I told you she'd be all right."

Robyn smirked. "More than all right. This is Danny. He's from Great Britain. And when we marry, he's going to take me back to his fancy country estate and I'm going to live like a duchess."

"Whatever," Frank mumbled.

"I come from the manor-village of Sheehan," Danny told them. "Sheehan Hall is very nice indeed." He turned to his companion. "And the village, Robyn, you should see it. The grass is so green and the cottages so pretty."

She sidled up to him, giggling. "I can hardly wait, my darling blue blood." She stole a quick little kiss.

"You little devil," Danny scolded. "Do that again. I dare you."

She did so, and he kissed her back this time, putting his arms around her. She kept one eye peeled open to see if Frank was watching.

"Hey, now, come on!" Frank protested.

Danny gave a start, suddenly catching sight of his three bandmates. "What are they doing here?" he asked himself under his breath.

"Who--?" Robyn began.

"Come on, Robyn, let's head off." Danny dragged her away from Frank and his new girlfriend.

"Pay no mind to them," the bombshell advised Frank. "I bet my father's estate is bigger."

Frank held a hand to his forehead. "It's not that I'm worried about, Rita."

"So what brings you fellas here?" Danny asked his three friends.

"The beauty contest!" Matt replied. "Don't you remember we signed up for it too?"

Danny slapped his head. "Oh, right! I forget to sign up for it yesterday."

Beatrix, barely clad in a yellow bikini, strolled up to them. "Hi, Timmy," she greeted with a wink, parading past him to show off her features.

Timmy stared after her, then glanced at Matt. "Do you think she likes me?"

"Maybe she just wants your vote."

Patrick realized something. "Then why didn't she say hi to each of us?"

Matt shrugged. "Hello, again," he said to Robyn.

"Hi, guys."

Frank ran up, grabbing Robyn by the shoulders. "Look, we've got to talk."

"Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you," Danny said.

"This is between me and her, Limey. Look, how can you elope with this guy you don't even know?"

"Elope!" the three other Innocents exclaimed.

"Fellas, I can explain everything, trust me," Danny reassured.

Matt crossed his arms. "You sure better be able to."

"He better be able to explain everything to me," Frank insisted, brandishing a fist before Danny's face.

"Robyn can explain everything to you if you explain everything to her," the English boy said simply.

Frank lunged at Danny, who dodged out of the way. Matt, Patrick, and Timmy leaped at Frank, so that they could hold him back. He was knocked off his feet.

"I'll explain everything, Frank!" Robyn cried, afraid she would get her accomplice beaten up. "It's all just a prank I pulled to make **you** see what you were doing to **me**. Danny's just some kid I met; there's nothing going on between us. I don't even know if he's rich or poor."

Frank stood up. He sighed, then took hold of Robyn's hands. After a moment of thoughtful silence, he said, "You're right, I've been cruel. Even if my parents want me to marry rich; I can't do it at the expense of the only girl I truly love."

"Oh, Frankie!" Robyn hugged and kissed him.

Frank's eyes twinkled mischievously. "And speaking of eloping, maybe we should be thinking of doing that now."

"Frankie!" she scolded.

"Hey, we were going to marry soon anyway! And besides, it will prevent anything like this from happening again, and then my parents won't be able to tell me who to marry anymore."

Robyn giggled.

Frank turned to Danny. "And you can be the best man."

IV

The small evening wedding was held at the registration hall. Besides the Four Innocents, some of Robyn and Frank's college friends were there, including Dina and beauty queen Beatrix. Margie, who was a pianist, played the music. Robyn asked Danny to sing the words.

"By the way, I've been meaning to thank you fellas for trusting me enough to protect me from Frank," Danny said at home that night.

"Actually, Danny, we weren't sure then," Matt said sheepishly. "But we still couldn't let him beat you up."

"Well then, thanks for protecting me even though you thought I might have done you wrong."

"You're welcome," Matt acknowledged. "But speaking of all that, Danny‑‑the three of us were talking and we decided you deserved an apology for the way we've been acting lately‑‑not trusting you enough and being possessive."

"It's all right, fellas. I know that you were acting that way because you love me so much that you didn't want me to leave the group."

"Yeah, but that's not the way to act out of love."

"Just forget it. It's past."

"Better than being future, I suppose," Matt remarked.

"Yeah, I'd rather take things one day at a time," Timmy said.


	7. Multiple Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was influenced by The Monkees episode "The Chaperone" by Gerald Gardner and Dee Caruso.

MULTIPLE CHOICE

I

The interrogation happened when Matt dropped by his sister's house that evening, without his bandmates tagging along. "I've been really curious to find out from you and you alone how the situation's working out," she said. "I mean, I know everything's great when you're all together and come over for dinner, and you're all joking and laughing and having a good time. At least it looks that way." She leaned forward. "But just between you and me, what's it really like? Is it what you expected?"

"It's great," Matt said with assurance. "It's nice to have a place of belonging. I mean, where those around you don't condemn you for being celibate."

"You seem to get along uncannily well," Caroline remarked. "I never see you squabble like real families."

"We like to discuss things," Matt explained, then became philosophical. "It's more harmonious, and it's important for bandmates to be in harmony with each other."

"But you must have some problems."

"Well, right now, I'm a little uptight about Danny, but we've been working things out."

"What are you uptight about?"

"He doesn't act as celibate as the rest of us. I mean, I know he is, but--"

"He's the one who dates girls, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

"And that kinda bothers you, don't it?"

"Well, yeah. But I'm just being jealous."

"Oh, that's not unusual. One of my friends at work has a daughter who came in one day, and she was upset because her best friend had started mooning over boys and wasn't paying as much attention to her as she used to." Changing her pace, she added, "Besides, dating doesn't necessarily mean engagement, or so I've been told."

"But all you've ever known is Jim," Matt said, knowing what she meant by the last phrase.

She giggled. "Yeah, well, growing up in Trotter, there's not as much choice as there is in Southern California. But I do love him."

"I know. And I love Danny, I really do. I'm grateful for his friendship. I enjoy his company. And he's great at helping me straighten out my own thoughts out when I'm confused." Matt checked his watch. "Well, the fellas are gonna be worrying about me by now if I don't come back with the groceries soon." He stood up to leave. "We're learning to trust Danny," he said in conclusion. "But it's still just something I've got to get used to."

II

"Boys outnumber girls at the Stockdale High," Danny remarked to his bandmates during their lunch break. "See, I just realized a while ago that we've got the dance coming up at school. And many poor girls haven't gotten dates."

Timmy, Matt, and Patrick shrugged nonchalantly at this news.

"Oh, well, too bad," Timmy replied flippantly.

"It's not as simple as that, fellas," Danny protested. "Most

of them want dates. Not everyone's like us, you know. But I was figuring, there's around a dozen girls so far I know about from talking to Clio that are out of luck. We can help at least four of them." His three friends looked at him incredulously with "What? Us?" expressions.

"Oh, come on, fellas," Danny persuaded. "It won't be so bad.

You just pick a girl you like, take her to the Senior Prom so at least she can say she's gone. I mean, she shouldn't have to give up these priceless memories of her last year of high school on account of our celibacy."

"Oh, right, Danny," Matt complained. "And we can save the

world while we're at it."

"Oh, knock it off. Now I've invited the girls over to a party tonight‑‑"

"WHAT?" the other three burst out in unison.

"Well, if I made it for tomorrow night, you would've talked me out of it."

"That's for sure," Matt said.

"But don't worry, I've also invited a few guys over who

haven't gotten dates yet either to even things out. So you needn't feel too uneasy. But they and me still won't take care of all the girls who want dates. There were some girls who didn't have dates who didn't want them, so I left them alone."

"Those are the ones we want," Timmy remarked.

"Yeah, they sound like our type," Matt agreed. "But tonight, Danny? Where are we gonna get all the party supplies in time?"

"Don't worry‑‑I've asked all the girls and boys who are coming to bring along a snack or a bottle of pop."

"What about those who aren't coming?" Timmy asked.

"They don't have to bring anything. But we'll provide the

music, if you know what I mean. So we're not getting paid for it, but it's a chance to keep in practice in front of an audience."

"Yeah, we haven't had much of a chance at that lately." Matt sighed. "Well, I suppose we can have the party if only for that reason."

"Well, it's too late to cancel out now," Timmy pointed out. "Matt, if I were you, I'd speak to Danny about going over his

bandleader's head."

"Danny," Matt began. "You're going over my head. Now stop that."

"Sorry," Danny apologized.

"I'll help out this time, but don't volunteer me again," Matt continued. He turned to Patrick and Timmy. "What about you fellas?"

They shrugged in a way that made no promises.

An idea struck Matt. "Say, do you know who the band is who's gonna be playing at the dance yet?"

"No," Danny replied. "They haven't held audi‑‑Hey, yeah! We could be the band."

"If we get the gig," Matt explained. "Not only does it get us the chance to play before an audience of our peers, but it will provide us an escape from having to dance with the girls‑‑especially during the slow dance numbers."

"Yeah!" Timmy agreed full‑heartedly. "Those icky slow dance numbers where they cling real tight to ya and put their tongue in your ear and drool all over your neck.."

"So when were you slow dancing with a chick?" Danny asked

Timmy.

"In my nightmares. You ever slow dance?"

"No," Danny told him. "Danced before, but I must admit, those mushy slow dance numbers make me nervous, too. I usually make an excuse to go somewhere else then, and come back a few minutes later. I think slow dances are only for those who are truly in love, and I can't say I've ever felt that way about one particular girl."

He returned to the subject of the party. "Actually, what I was thinking, was that besides helping the girls, this could help our relationship."

"How so?" Matt asked doubtfully.

"Well, by taking these girls out just once, just so that they could go to the Prom, not to start a romantic relationship with them or anything, you could see what it's like for me. You could see that I'm just trying to help girls out, that's all, and there's no need to feel that our friendship or our band or our commune is being threatened. So we kill two birds with one stone. We help the girls, and you get to be in my shoes."

"Well, we kinda were before," Timmy said of him and Patrick. "Remember Cindy?"

"And Monica," Patrick added. 

"But I wasn't," Matt mentioned thoughtfully. "All right, Danny, you got yourself a deal. But one thing--are you sure you're celibate--I mean, getting after us about dating girls?"

This was the kind of accusation that really hurt when it came to the Four Innocents. "Sure I'm sure, Matt," Danny replied, his cheerfulness vanished. "I just said I'm just trying to show you it's nothing serious."

"Okay, okay," Matt said hurriedly.

III

The guests started filing in around seven. One of them was a golden blond, green eyed little girl named Paula Burchard. Danny greeted her and her friend, Alice Camp. Alice had a country girl type of subtle prettiness, and she wore her brown-black hair in a simple flip. "I'm so glad you're having this party, Danny," Paula chirped. "My parents, of course, didn't like the idea, but--"

"So what convinced them to let you two come to the party tonight?"

"Nothing," Paula replied with a giggle. "We snuck out."

"Snuck out?" Danny demanded in concern. "Hey, he might be worried. Maybe you should call him or something."

"No, we'll be back before he knows we're gone," Paula lied, to prevent Danny from pursuing the point further.

He shrugged uneasily. "Well, okay. If you say so."

Over on the bandstand, Matt and Timmy surveyed the crowd, which consisted of three other boys besides the bandmates. The young men were social outcasts of the kind often referred to as nerds. Eight girls were present. "Seven boys and eight girls," Timmy observed. "This is going to be like musical chairs. See anyone so far?"

"Nope."

"Me neither. Most of them remind me too much of Cindy Boyd. Too bubbly, too hip." He noticed Paula and Alice by the door. "Oh, there's a couple of new ones. Now that dark-haired one looks kinda different. Kind of more homey."

"Homely?" Matt wondered.

"No, not homely. Homey. I mean, she looks more natural, more into just being herself instead of putting on some 'I'm with-it' show."

"Well, I guess you better go talk to her then," Matt suggested. "If you want to please Danny, that is."

"Yeah, I guess I better." He took a step forward, then stopped. "What should I say?"

Matt shrugged. "Hey, I'm not the one to ask. I don't know. Say hi." He shrugged again.

"Yeah, okay. I've got nothing to lose. What should I care?" Timmy approached Alice, still by Paula. "Hi," he greeted according to plan, extending his hand. "I'm Timmy Rowe, Danny's bandmate."

"Well, h-hello," she replied softly and shyly. "I'm Alice Camp."

"Hi!" Paula bubbled over. "I'm Paula Burchard and I bet Danny's gonna ask me to the Prom."

"Oh, really?" Timmy wondered, standing there as Paula and Alice made their way to the kitchen, to get some punch and snacks.

"Nice talking to you," he muttered to himself. Well, at least Danny wasn't interested in Alice.

Patrick was talking to another blond girl, this one with a straight face. He hadn't started the conversation, however, he had just been standing around when she muttered, "Clio said I'm supposed to find a date here? Ha! How can I?"

Matt came up. "Hey, who you talking to, Patrick?"

"Oh, uh--"

The girl interrupted, looking up at Matt with interest. "Mary. Mary--"

"Mary Mary?" Matt asked. "Isn't that redundant?"

"--Drake. Mary Drake," she completed, still straight-faced.

"Let me get this straight," Matt began. "Your name is Mary Mary Drake Mary Drake?"

"No, it's just Mary Drake."

"Oh, we can just call you Mary Drake? Great!"

"Call me Mary."

"Oh, Mary? Well, that's even better, isn't it, Patrick?"

Patrick nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, make yourself at home, Mary," Matt offered graciously. "Help yourself to some punch or whatever." He then took Patrick aside. "You interested in her?"

"No," Patrick replied. "Why, you interested in her?"

Matt shrugged. "Yeah. Kinda. Sorta. For this one date Danny's talking about anyway. She kinda reminds me of my cousin Billie."

"Gee, you shouldn't date your cousin, Matt."

Danny walked up, Timmy in tow. "Hey, fellas, it looks like everyone's here. Let's show 'em what we can do."

"You mean play?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah. Come on, Matt, what number should we do?"

"Well, uh, don't look at me."

"But you're the bandleader."

"Oh, you're right. How 'bout 'New World'?"

The boys took to their private bandstand and started warming up. The crowd of guests stopped socializing and looked up at them. The Four Innocents looked back at them nervously. "Go on and keep mingling," Matt told them. "We're just gonna play some music for ya. One two three four..."

The song was well received by the Innocents' currently supportive peers. They also played "Don't Even Bother" and "Monica", and ended one set to get back to mixing with the partiers.

Timmy approached Alice again. "Well, how did you like that?"

"It was pretty good," Alice said encouragingly, but then clammed up.

"Oh, thanks." Silence reigned for a moment. Timmy shuffled his feet and decided to move on, but then Alice asked, "Do you think it was right of us to sneak out of Mr. Burchard's house?"

"What do you mean?"

"Paula's parents wouldn't allow us to come to the party, so we snuck out without telling them where we were going."

"Oh," Timmy said worriedly.

"It was wrong, wasn't it?"

"Well, honestly, uh, yes."

"I-I guess there's nothing I can do about it now," Alice stated without conviction. "Right?"

"No, I guess not," Timmy replied with similar doubtfulness.

Matt, meanwhile, approached Mary Drake again. "Kinda makes you wanna dance, doesn't it?"

"What does?" she asked detachedly, sipping some punch and staring straight ahead.

"The music. I mean, I don't like to brag or anything, but the fellas have been putting a lot of hard work into the band."

"Oh, that. I didn't know what you were talking about, there's no music now."

"Hmmm, you're right. That's what was missing. We better put some on." Matt headed towards the record player, taking Mary by the hand and dragging her along. "Any suggestions?"

"Got any Yanovski?" she asked seriously. Yanovski was an eighteenth century composer.

"Who? He some new guy?"

Paula rushed up to Danny at the kitchen counter. "Groovy, Danny, groovy! Your friends and you play groovy music!"

"Oh, thanks," Danny acknowledged. "I'm glad you liked it." As Paula continued to talk, he looked around at the crowd of girls, a curvaceous redhead catching his eye. Maybe that was the one he should ask out. 

"Danny!" Paula demanded. "Are you listening to me?"

"Huh? What?" Danny yelped, startled. "Were you saying something?"

"Yes!"

Patrick was also looking at the girls present, wandering about the room. "Naaah," he thought to himself. _How did I even get into this situation?_

"Timmy, I can't stand it anymore," Alice confessed worriedly. "I feel so guilty. I have to call Paula's dad and let him know we're all right so he doesn't think we've been kidnapped. Can I use your phone?"

"Sure, I guess you better. But we only have one phone, and it's in here. Paula might see you." Timmy glanced over at Paula, who was babbling away to Danny. "And then again, she might not even notice." Alice went to use the phone. "Oh, and Alice--" Timmy began.

"Yes?"

"Never mind." She turned away. "Wait--Would you, um...?"

"Sure, why not?" she replied, and picked up the receiver.

"I hope we were on the same subject," Timmy said, joining Patrick by the front of the house. "Find anyone yet?"

"No," Patrick replied. "I don't really want to."

"I know what you mean."

"You seem to have found someone."

Timmy shrugged. "If I have to." A knock sounded at the door. "Hmmm, I thought everyone who was coming had come." He opened it, and Vicki Akira stepped in. "Hi, Patrick."

"You don't have a date?" Patrick asked his friend.

"No," replied the Japanese-American teenager.

"Well, you might as well go with me."

"Might as well?" Vicki asked incredulously. "That's a funny thing for a shy boy like you to say."

"Oh, I didn't mean it that way. You see, Danny wants each of us to take one of the girls here to the Prom."

"So you're not even asking me for yourself, are you?" she returned. She chuckled. "If you want me to go to the dance with you, I'm not gonna be that easy to get." She wandered off into the crowd.

"We have to pretend like we're sincere," Timmy suggested.

Patrick shrugged.

Timmy agreed with this gesture. "Yeah, it's like I said to Matt. What have we got to lose? If the girl agrees, fine, if she doesn't, even better."

"But we could still get our feelings hurt."

"Yeah, sometimes emotions don't work out the way you planned them."

Vicki was showing some girls her new makeup compact. "I bet this color would look good on you, Timmy," she joked.

He shook his shoulders. "It might. But it's not my style."

Alice entered the small crowd. "There's nobody home," she told Timmy, then saw the makeup. "Where did you get that?"

"We think it would go good on Timmy," Paula said to her friend.

"Yeah, I want to see if it does," Vicki insisted. "Try it on."

"What?" Timmy demanded.

"Yeah!" Vicki demanded, and the other girls present squealed their approval.

"Go on, Tim," Danny agreed.

Timmy blushed and smiled. "Let's make him up, girls!" Paula decided, and the females started looking for their purses and their cosmetics.

"Oh, no," Timmy moaned.

"Oh, please!" Vicki begged.

"Oh, all right, but I'm not keeping it on all night," Timmy consented.

"Makeup doesn't stay on all night anyway," Paula commented, glancing over the shades of eye shadow she had at her convenience.

Alice, Paula, Vicki, and another girl named Kay dragged Timmy off to the guest bedroom to work on making him beautiful.

"Think he'll look good in makeup?" Matt asked Mary.

"Are you kidding?" she returned.

"Do you ever find anything funny?"

"I've seen it on dozens of sitcoms."

"You watch sitcoms?"

She glared at him.

"I'm sorry, Mary," he apologized. "I don't mean to be giving you a hard time. You can be yourself."

He felt the conversation stalling, so he decided to subtly slip off and go to the kitchen. Mary followed at his heels.

In a short while, Timmy, his eyelids caked in lavender, and his lips redder than his hair, exited the guest bedroom, accompanied by his entourage of make-up artists. Everyone present turned to look at him this time. He blushed under his blush.

"Oh, um, Timmy, you look..." Danny began. "You look..."

"Like a whore," Timmy completed.

"No!" the girls argued.

The party goers' comments about Timmy's new look were interrupted by thunderous knocking. "I'll go--" Timmy began, then stopped. "What am I saying?"

"No, answer it," Vicki egged on.

Resignedly, Timmy went to the door. 

A stern looking, middle-aged man stood outside. "Where is--" he started to bellow.

"Daddy!" Paula exclaimed. "How'd you know we were here?" She shot a look at Alice. "Did you tell him we were here?"

"No."

"Good."

"I couldn't get through," Alice explained.

"I found this on your bedroom floor," Mr. Burchard explained, holding up a sheet of paper for Paula to see. On it were the directions to the Four Innocents' house and information about the party.

"Oh, dear! Oh, please, Daddy, let us stay!"

"Paula, I told you I didn't want you going to this party. You can't trust kids these days--" He seemed to notice Timmy for the first time. "How do you do, ma'am?"

"Fine," Timmy replied. "How are you?"

"Well, all right maybe you can stay," Mr. Burchard said. Paula squealed and bounced up and down. "But you're grounded for the next few weeks. You too, Alice, since your parents put me in charge."

"Aw, but Daddy, the Prom is coming up!" Paula protested.

"Sorry, you're the one who disobeyed orders."

"If we come home now, will you let us go to the Prom?" Paula asked.

"No. So you might as well stay." He took hold of the doorknob. "As long as there's a nice, mature person here I feel all right." He left.

"Mature person?" Timmy repeated. "We don't have a--" His eyes went wide. "He thought **I** was--" He went to open the door as he heard a car engine start.

Paula held him back. "Forget it! He's letting us stay, okay?"

"But now I won't be able to go to the dance with you," Alice realized.

Timmy batted his eyelashes and spoke in a falsetto. "But why should you want to go with me, Miss? Why not some nice fellow like that Timmy Rowe boy?" Alice laughed, and Timmy resumed talking in his normal voice. "Ah, I'm getting out of this stuff now. What a drag." He trumped upstairs to the bathroom.

"Hey, Danny, why didn't you tell us to bring our swim gear?" one of the guest boys called out.

"What?"

"There's about a dozen people out back having a beach party."

Danny rushed to the bandstand. "Who are those people? They shouldn't be out there. Matt, come on!"

Matt and Danny ran out onto the porch. "They look oddly familiar," Matt remarked.

Danny snapped his fingers. "It's some of those college kids!" He cupped his hands to his mouth. "Hey, you blokes--and birds--whatever you do, don't swim in that water. It's dangerous. You could drown. Wading's okay." The outside group of partiers looked up at the two Innocents. "I'm serious," Danny added.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Matt asked. "The beauty contest is over."

"And I won," Beatrix reminded them proudly. "But we decided since we got your address on the registration form, and since we remembered you live on the beach, to drop by and have a nighttime beach party."

"Why didn't you come knock on the front door?" Danny demanded.

Beatrix held up her hands. "We're college kids."

"You college kids think you can do whatever you want," Matt chided.

"Hey, what kinda party you got going on in there?" Margie inquired.

"It's a Prom date selection party," Matt filled in.

"Is Timmy there?" Beatrix asked.

"Yeah, why?" Matt replied.

"I'd like to see him now, if I could."

"You should have seen him before," Danny said with a chuckle.

"You can come in," Matt agreed, and Beatrix ran up on the porch. A few of her friends followed. "I didn't say you." They seemed determined to get by him anyway. "Oh, never mind," Matt gave in, as the two parties fused into one.

After asking around, Beatrix bounded up the stairs and knocked upon the boys' bedroom door. Foreign rhythms sounded from behind it. "Yeah?" came Timmy's voice, as he opened up, his face freshly washed. He had expected one of his bandmates, and did not know what to make of the sexy bikini-clad blond girl before him. "Oh, hi, um..."

"Beatrix! You remember me, don't you?"

"Uh, Beatrix, let's see..."

"The contest winner."

"Oh, yeah, I remember now."

She frowned, shaking a reproaching finger. "It was only a few days ago."

Timmy chuckled. "Sorry. But what are you doing here now? You don't go to our school."

"We're having a beach party out back." She walked past him, going to the portable record player. "What is that music? It's more than psychedelic, that's for sure." She tried to read the label as the record spun around.

Timmy picked the album cover off of the bed. "It's ancient Chinese music." He lifted the needle up and placed the album back inside. "See, I got a whole stack here of different kinds of ethnic music," he told her, as he put the Chinese record in front.

Beatrix knelt down by the pile and thumbed through them. "Irish drinking songs, Aborigine chants, American Indian flute, Greek folk dances, polka...Hey, my parents have taken me to a few polka fests."

"Really? That'll be the next selection then." Timmy put the album on, and the horns and accordions started blasting.

"Polka," Beatrix said with a laugh. "How unhip."

Timmy smiled. "I like it."

Beatrix returned his grin. "I like it, too."

Timmy offered her his arm. "Shall we dance?"

Beatrix giggled, and took his arm.

"Well, you must've asked someone by now," Patrick said to Danny. They and Matt had grouped together on the back porch. The porch doors were open and high school seniors and college students freely intermixed inside and outside.

"No, actually, I haven't. Too many girls to choose from. What about you, Matt? Have you asked that girl yet?"

"Mary? No."

"You thinking about someone else?"

"No." He sounded trapped.

Danny sighed and stood up. "We ought to play another set for everyone. Where's Timmy?"

"Still upstairs, I think," Matt said.

Danny went off to fetch Timmy. He rapped upon the door but got no answer. European music was blaring; that must have blocked his ears. Danny opened the door and caught Timmy and Beatrix doing the polka. They ended their dance abruptly, blushing. "We were just dancing," Beatrix explained hurriedly.

"Oh, I know, I trust him," Danny said. "Come on downstairs, Timmy. We want to play another set." Somehow he felt uncomfortable about Timmy cavorting with a girl when he wanted the band to perform.

This time the Four Innocents played "You're for Me", "Heavy Petting", and "For Toni on Her Birthday". Afterwards, Timmy decided he had better look for a new date amongst the eligible Stockdale Seniors.

Alice hadn't noticed Beatrix and Timmy, but she did observe him now checking girls out and mingling with them. She knew what he was up to. She tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, that's not fair. I agreed to be your date."

"But I thought you were grounded."

"That's true, but it's not fair to go off and grab some other girl right before my eyes."

"I'm sorry."

"Besides, you never know, Mr. Burchard may revoke his sentence, and then I'll be left dateless."

"All right, I'll stick with you."

"Thanks." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Did you see that?" Beatrix asked her friend Dina. They were standing at a distance, but Beatrix had her eyes on Timmy.

Margie made her way through the crowd to them. "Hey, Beatrix, I think that girl's Timmy's girlfriend. I heard he asked her to go to the dance with him, and then he said he'd stick with her."

Beatrix let out a cry of anguish. "He'd rather be with that plain jane than with me?"

"Oh, be nice, she is sorta pretty," Margie remarked.

"But I'm a beauty queen!" Beatrix protested sadly. "Didn't Professor Lovejoy say I could get any guy I wanted to?"

"Yes, Beatrix," Dina and Margie replied tiredly.

"Then why can't I have him?"

"But why should you want him?" Dina asked. "Is he rich?"

"No."

"Is he muscular?"

"No."

"Is he well-endowed?"

"I don't know."

"Is he handsome?"

"I think he's really cute."

"That's just it. He's merely a cute, freckle-faced, clown-haired redhead," Dina argued. "If you can get any guy you want, why not go after some gorgeous blond or a sexy brunet?"

"But I want Timmy," Beatrix insisted. "He catches my eye just fine, and, besides, he makes me laugh."

Outside the guest room, Danny noticed the door was almost shut, but still ajar. Peeking in, he could just make out Paula lying face down on the bed, crying about something. Concerned, he entered and closed the door, so that others wouldn't notice her tears. "What's wrong?"

"I'm grounded."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm sorry."

"I've been looking forward to the Prom my whole life! Please don't tell me I deserve this for sneaking out."

"I won't preach."

"I was even hoping that you might ask me."

"Well, maybe we could go out some other time." He sat down beside her and wiped a tear away, then kissed the top of her head. She cheered up, and rose from the bed. "That would be swell to go out some other time!" she cried like an innocent good girl. Suddenly, her eyes went evil. "Hey, maybe we could have fun right here, right now." Without a moment's hesitation, she pulled off her dress, and presented herself in her slip.

"Hey, put that back on!" Danny exclaimed, backing away nervously towards the door, wondering now if her sadness had been faked.

"I'm wearing more than those college girls are," she argued. "Come on, take off your shirt."

"If you'll excuse me, I have to go check on the other guests." Danny opened and shut the door quickly, leaving Paula alone in her slip. She had no choice but to get dressed and rejoin the crowd in the den.

Danny noticed a new face in the crowd, one that was from neither high school or college. "Oh no, Ace, what are you doing here?"

"Glad to see you too, shrimp," Ace greeted. "I was driving by and saw all the chicks partying, so I just had to see what was happening here."

Danny explained what both parties were about.

"So you and your friends couldn't get dates for the Prom before now," Ace teased.

"It's not that. It's just that we didn't want to."

"Don't give me that. I know the real reason why the four of you are living together. You're losers who've given up on girls."

"The hell we are. We're this way by choice. My bandmates are pretty handsome fellas, and gentlemen, too. They could get any girl they wanted to. Why, girls are mad on them. When I told the birds I invited they might get to go to the Prom with one of them, they thought that was great."

"Sure," Ace said. "Why aren't they pouncing on them now? Hey, you got any beer?"

"No, we never drink alcohol."

One college boy overheard. "We got some out on the beach."

"All right," Ace remarked, slapping Danny's back before leaving for outside. "Now this is more like it."

Mary joined Matt, who was sitting on the bandstand. "So?" she asked.

"So what?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't. Hey, Timmy," Matt greeted, as Timmy and Alice sat down beside him and Mary. 

Patrick spoke to Danny. "Do I really have to ask some girl out? I really don't want to."

Danny squeezed his friend's arm. "No, you don't have to. And knowing the other fellas, they're not real happy about this."

"I think they found girls, but it's out of a sense of duty," Patrick agreed.

"There they are now with their girls," Danny observed, and he and Patrick crowded around Matt and Timmy on the bandstand.

Then it seemed as though everyone wanted to crowd around. "Patrick, I will go to the dance with you if you want me to," Vicki offered.

"No, I've changed my mind."

"What?" she demanded, her hands on her hips.

"It's not you; I'm not taking anybody."

Beatrix smiled wickedly at Alice. "I bet you don't know what Timmy and I were doing upstairs in his bedroom."

Alice glared at him. "What were you doing?"

"We were just dancing," Timmy told her.

"Arm in arm," Beatrix added. "We really worked up a sweat."

"Timmy--!" Alice began, but noticed that both he and Matt had their ears cocked towards Danny's mouth, listening to something he was whispering.

"I changed my mind," was what only Timmy and Matt heard from their bandmate. "You don't have to go to the Prom."

When Mary got Matt's attention, she asked him again, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I thought you were going to ask me to the dance."

"I never said a word--"

Danny stood up on the bandstand as Paula now approached. "None of us are going to the dance because we're the Four Innocents and we've taken a stand against romance."

A lot of romance-loving girls were angry with the Four Innocents, even if they weren't going to be their prom dates--Mary, Alice, Paula, Beatrix, and Vicki had anger in their eyes, an anger they seemed to enjoy feeling, and their bodies were tensed like tigers about to spring upon their prey.

"Uh oh," Danny said. "Let's split, fellas." The Four Innocents ran out the porch door, the five girls in hot pursuit.

The nine landed in a tangle at Ace's feet, the girls joyfully pummeling the boys. "It's for reasons like this that I'm staying celibate," Timmy shouted to Danny over the girls' roars.

Danny looked up into Ace's bemused face. "See, Ace, I told you the girls were mad on us. And you wondered why they weren't pouncing on us."

IV

Matt was eating breakfast the next morning when Danny came downstairs. "Look, I'm sorry about that whole thing last night," the English boy said. "It wasn't right on my behalf to manipulate you fellas like that. And I can see now it does conflict with our monk lifestyles. I just can't resist helping girls out..."

"I'm the one who's sorry, Danny," Matt said. "I'm the one who didn't trust you when trusting you was what I really wanted to do. And I know now I can."

Danny chuckled lightly, playfully rubbing his bandleader's shoulder. "Apology accepted. Hey, you know there's no place I'd rather be than with you fellas, having fun and being free."

As Danny turned away to get his breakfast, Matt remarked, "You know, Alice was trying to get Timmy to take her out anyway, even if it wasn't to the dance. She said he owed her one."

Danny laughed. "Really? What did he have to say about that?"

"Oh, he managed to squirm his way out of it without devastating her."

"Well, everything's back to normal then," Danny remarked. "If you could call us normal. You blokes don't want to date girls, and to tell the truth, I much prefer it this way. You see, you said you were jealous over me and my spending time with girls? Well, it's no different here. I'm a bit jealous over your time, too."

"I'm sure we’ll have plenty of time to spend together in the days to come," Matt assured.


	8. That's the Risk You Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was influenced by two Monkees episodes: "The Spy Who Came in from the Cool" and "Monkee Chow Mein", both by Gerald Gardner and Dee Caruso.

THAT'S THE RISK YOU TAKE

I

"You wanted to see me?" E.G. Bland asked. He was a short, plain looking man, with dark hair and thick framed glasses. He was dressed in a conservative suit.

"Yeah," Matt replied, escorting their neighbor into their house.

"You don't know how much this means to me," E.G. said. "The IIB could always use help from today's young people, especially with what some of today's other young people are up to."

Matt placed a foot on the bottom step of the spiral staircase. "Fellas! Mr. Bland's here!"

"Oh, just call me E.G.," their guest insisted, as Matt's bandmates scurried to the ground floor.

The Four Innocents sat down, Matt and Danny on the sectional couch, and Patrick and Timmy on the psychiatrist couch. E.G. took a seat on the triangular chair.

"So how exactly do we get into the spy business?" Danny wondered.

"Well, before I go on, let me just say that by your getting into the 'spy business', as you put it, you will not likely be involved in shootouts and stakeouts and stuff like that. Basically, all you'll do is report information to us about what's going on or not going on in the teen scene—well, teens and young adults. It may be a little boring, not as exciting as you expected, but it's a lot safer then what you may have had in mind."

"So when do we start?" Danny asked.

Friday night, the Four Innocents visited the Dragon Lady, a club with Oriental decor. It seemed quite popular, as witnessed by the many dancing and twisting kids. 

The boys sat at a table for four near the middle. "Charming atmosphere they got here," Danny remarked. "Very exotic. Makes me feel as if we were going to go on an adventure of some sort."

"We are," Timmy pointed out.

Danny shrugged. "Well, it's something, I suppose."

"If you had your way, you'd be going on some wild and dangerous adventure everyday," Matt said to the little Briton.

"Well, life is short--get the most out of it."

"Yeah, well, with the kind of action you thrill to, your life **is** going to end up being short."

"Yeah, but at least it won't be boring." Danny turned to Timmy. "I bet you like the atmosphere."

The drummer was staring off into space. Suddenly realizing he was being addressed, he snapped to attention. "Huh?"

"I said, 'I bet you like the atmosphere,'" Danny repeated.

"Oh, yeah, it's cool," Timmy agreed, but sounded distracted.

Danny followed his bandmate's gaze, and noticed a painting featuring a sweet but fearless Asian maiden amidst a pack of tigers. "Yes, she's lovely."

Timmy shot a look at him, as if denying that it was the picture that had sent him off into a reverie.

Danny nudged Matt with his elbow. "Timmy's fallen in love with a girl, you know."

"Who?" Matt asked incredulously. 

Danny pointed to the painting. "Her."

Timmy decided to deny it no longer. "She's the most," he said with a sigh, dreamily resting his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry to break your heart, Timmy, but she never goes out with anyone," Danny advised him. "She just hangs around here all the time."

"Oh, that's okay, I'm a monk anyway. What's her name?"

"Looks like Vicki," Patrick pointed out.

"Uh, let's see..." Danny began. "Her name is...Claudette?"

"No," Timmy disagreed.

Danny continued with names that Timmy found inappropriate. "Zelda? Mary? Denise? Antoinette? Sandra?"

The lovesick drummer interrupted his friend's list of suggestions. "Black Jade. That's her name."

"That's pretty," Patrick remarked.

"I think Lord Alison used to have a race horse named Black Jade," Danny remarked. "Its father was Black Satin and its mother was Precious Jade, so they named the filly Black Jade. It's a common practice to combine parental names like that."

"I think I'll call her B.J.," Timmy announced, off in his own world. "Or maybe Jadey."

"Hey, don't forget why we're here," Matt pointed out.

"Why are we here?" Patrick asked.

"He forgot already," Danny observed.

"We gotta find out what the latest happenings are among today's enlightened youth," Matt said wryly. "If you know what I mean."

"This is where it's at," Danny added. "Well, it's one of the in places anyway." 

II

"Nothing happened," Matt reported to E.G. Bland when he came over the next day. "We saw a few kids smoking what looked like marijuana, but that's about it."

"You were right," Danny remarked. "It was kinda boring for the spy business."

"There **is** something going on at that club," E.G. insisted. "I want you to go back there sometime soon. See if you can find out anything about some freak called Elmo Hasting. He's the owner's son--really strange things have been said about him, and the Double Eye Bee's watching him. Also, see if you can find out anything about his girlfriend--all we know is that she's called Genie."

That afternoon, the Four Innocents stopped by Baird's Records to browse. They were unpleasantly surprised to find Oliver and Beanie of the Fig Leaves browsing as well.

Oliver shoved Danny's arm. "Hey, a friend of the band told us she saw you guys at the Dragon Lady last night."

"Yeah, that's right," Danny said.

"That's not a place for innocents to be," Beanie pointed out.

Danny shrugged. "We didn't do anything wrong there."

"Why am I not surprised?" Beanie asked.

Danny decided to play for information. "You know, I've heard that the owner's son is a really strange bloke."

The Four Innocents were surprised to see both Oliver and Beanie shudder. "Yeah, Nuke," Oliver said. "He's...Let me put it this way--you don't want to cross him."

"Nuke?" Matt wondered. "I thought his name was Elmo Hasting."

"He's called Nuke. And he looks like a peace loving hippie, but don't be fooled. I think he got things screwed up somewhere

and wants to make war, not love. Look, as much as we hate you guys, even you don't deserve to get on Nuke's wrong side. So don't say we didn't warn you."

"Thanks, I didn't know you cared," Danny said.

"We don't,” Beanie retorted.

"But who said we wanted to have anything to do with him?" Danny continued.

"Good, keep it that way," Oliver said tersely.

"Do you know anything about his girlfriend Genie?"

"Girlfriend!" Oliver exclaimed. "What makes you think a guy like Nuke would have a lover?"

"I heard he did."

Oliver shrugged. "Never heard of her."

The Four Innocents returned to the Dragon Lady that night. All four of the Fig Leaves were there, with promiscuous looking dates. "Not you guys again!" Beanie protested.

"Don't worry, we won't sit near you," Danny assured.

As the Four Innocents took their seats, a lady walked to the center of the bandstand. She was all decked out in an elaborate Asian costume. Her dress was of silk, she wore her hair up in old Chinese fashion, and her face was covered with white makeup.

"Wow, fellas, it's her!" Timmy cried. "Black Jade!"

"Now, Timmy," Danny chided teasingly. "Black Jade's just a character you created in your own mind."

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Dragon Lady," "Black Jade" announced. "Now please welcome our band of the evening, Espionage."

Danny nudged Timmy. "Espionage," he remarked. "What are the odds?"

Thinking they had nothing new to report to Bland, the Four Innocents exited the club and headed for their car. The Fig Leaves and their dates came out also. "Hey, I don't suppose you're going to the picnic tomorrow evening?" Beanie wondered.

"What picnic?" Matt asked.

"The one Nuke's throwing at Sandal Beach. I don't suppose it's the kind of thing you Innocents would be interested in, though."

"Why, what kind of 'picnic' is this?" Danny inquired.

"A picnic on the 'grass', among other things."

"You don't mean--?" Timmy wondered.

"Of course that's what he means," Oliver said. "You don't think Nuke would be serving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, do you?"

"No, I suppose not," Matt remarked. "So it's gonna be a drug fest?"

"That's what we said," Oliver replied brusquely, and the Fig Leaves and their girls walked away.

"Well, we've got something to tell E.G. about now," Danny observed.

III

Sandal Beach was usually vacant, used only for the occasional beach movie location. Tonight it was chaotic. Young people were everywhere, laughing, drinking, smoking, and making out. Among the guests present were all of the Fig Leaves, and the Four Innocents' neighbor, Francene.

Nuke walked through the crowd, handing out drugs. Wherever he went, the kids made a clear path for him. Nuke was only of average height, but intimidated the others anyway. His hair was uncombed and black, and he wore circular shades. His clothes consisted of jeans and a denim jacket. Dishevelled as he was, he was devastatingly handsome.

"Max, I have a special treat for you," he said, coming up to one young man that he especially hated. He handed over a pill. "Take it. You'll never have an experience like this pill can give you again."

"Sure, man," Max agreed, his inhibitions already having disappeared from the intake of beer and marijuana. He swallowed the pill.

Nuke walked on through the crowd, randomly handing out narcotics. In a few minutes, he looked back at Max, who suddenly began going through spasms. Not long after, his violent fits had drawn the attention of the crowd. 

"Man, what happened?" Francene wondered.

Walking up, Nuke shook his head. "Must be a bad trip, that's all. It's the risk we take." He searched the beach. "Genie! Over here!"

A blond woman came up, putting Max's arm around her shoulder. "Here, let me take you to my van. You'll feel better there." 

As she and Max walked off, some concerned friends tried to follow, but Nuke held up a warning hand. "Don't crowd him in. He needs air."

A couple of hours later, neither Max or Genie had returned, and the party was continuing as though nothing had happened. Soon that would change. A siren could be heard growing louder, and the young people scrambled to hide all the evidence.

An unmarked sedan pulled up, and a plainclothes, no-nonsense man came out, his eyes scanning the crowd. "What's going on here?"

"Who are you?" Nuke demanded.

The man whipped out an identification card. "Agent Schwartz of the Double Eye Bee. Now what's going on here?"

"We were just having a beach party, sir," Nuke replied with phony respect.

"This late at night? It's past curfew, you know."

"Everyone here is over twenty-one, sir."

The agent grabbed him by the collar. "Listen, punk, I can tell some of these kids are underage. And, even if you've got the stuff so well-hidden that I can't find it, I know what you've been up to. Soberness isn't something you can fake."

Nuke pulled out of his grasp, shrugging nonchalantly at Schwartz's remarks.

"I'm taking you in," the agent told him. "As for the rest of you kids, if you're still here in fifteen minutes, the same goes for you."

For lack of solid evidence against him, Nuke was released. Upon returning to the Dragon Lady that night, he was in no better a mood than when in custody. "I want to know who ratted on us," he announced, angrily pacing the bandstand. The club patrons, many of who had been present at the party, watched him nervously.

Oliver spoke up, his voice trembling. "It might have been the Four Innocents, sir."

"Four Innocents? Who the hell are they?"

"They're a local band. They were here a couple times this past week, and the night before the picnic, they were asking a lot of questions about it, even though it's not their kind of scene."

"Where do these Four Innocents live?" Nuke demanded.

"I don't know. Francene should. I think she's their neighbor."

Nuke stared at Francene. "I'm afraid there must be some mistake," she said. "I don't know any Five Innocents."

"Four Innocents," Nuke corrected.

"Four Innocents," Francene repeated obligingly.

In the office of the club, Nuke sat on his desk, cleaning his fingernails with the blade of his knife. "I'm going to get those Innocents."

Genie stood by the wall, her arms crossed. "Why? And why did you kill Max?"

"Same reason. I didn't like him." 

"You can't go around doing whatever you want!" Genie scolded.

Nuke stood up, pointing accusingly at her with the knife. "You're no vestal virgin yourself, you know."

"Yes, but at least I have common sense. Outside of the kids, we don't want to attract a lot of publicity to our drug dealing. And murders for no reason other than revenge or pleasure are going to attract attention."

"What do you mean, no reason? They told the authorities about us, didn't they?"

"We don't know that for certain. And besides, we can deny them entrance to the club from now on."

"Oh, deny them permission to the club," Nuke said mockingly. "Real heavy punishment there. Ruthless or not, Genie, you're still a soft hearted woman."

"I am not," she insisted. "I'm a thief, a pirate, and a master of disguise," she stated proudly. "Speaking of which, I better change into my Dragon Lady costume." Before leaving, though, she advised him, "I don't mind your being selfish, but I do mind your not being sensible."

When Francene returned home in the late hours, she fumbled in the dark for the key to the front door. Suddenly, a hand fell upon her shoulder. She gasped, but it was stifled by the stranger's other hand.

When he whirled her around, she saw it was not a stranger after all, but Nuke. He shoved her against the door, and in the wink of an eye, had a switchblade resting against her heart. "Don't you dare scream," he warned. "Now, tell me where are they?"

"Where's who?"

He slapped her face. "Don't give me that. I know you know who the Four Innocents are, and where they live. Now you better tell me before I count to four." He moved the switchblade up to her throat.

Francene whimpered, then revealed, "They're just to the left. 1348."

"Thanks," Nuke said, but did not lower the knife. Francene feared rape or murder, or both.

From the second floor, a light snapped on. "Who's that?" Nuke wondered.

"My roommate."

Nuke thought for a moment, then told Francene, "Look, you tell her or anyone else about what happened..." He rubbed the side of the blade against her neck. "You understand?"

"Yes," Francene said in teary acquiescence.

IV

In the Four Innocents' bedroom, Danny had settled down in his bed. A high‑strung Patrick came over and shook him. "Danny, you don't think anything bad's gonna happen to us by getting involved in this spy business, do you?"

Danny knelt up and looked him in the eye. "Patrick, what we do is routine information gathering. We'd be lucky if anything did happen to us." Patrick nodded nervously. Danny chuckled reassuringly and tapped him on the side of the face. Patrick laughed back, then shoved Danny off his bed.

"All right! That does it!" Danny cried, picking himself up off the floor. He pounced back on top of the bed, and hit his friend on the head with a pillow. Patrick seized him, lifting him into the air. "Hey, put me down!" Danny squealed dramatically, his feet dangling.

Matt and Timmy entered, the former putting on the air of a

sitcom father. "You two stop fighting and get to bed or they'll be no dessert for a week."

"Awww!" whined Danny and Patrick.

"As if there actually were dessert," Matt added to his remarks.

"Then what have we got to lose?" Danny wondered, giving Patrick a meaningful glance. Patrick smiled and nodded, and the two leaped at Matt, knocking him down on top of Timmy's bed.

"Hey, how am I gonna get any sleep tonight?" Timmy demanded as he joined the other two in pummeling his bandleader.

Matt giggled uncontrollably as the mock blows turned into tickling. "Now, come on, fellas, stop it!"

In a couple of moments, the three drew away. "All right, we'll stop," Timmy agreed. "But you gotta promise to tuck us all in and read us a bedtime story."

"Oh, all right."

"And kiss us goodnight," Danny added.

"The deal's off," Matt retorted, retiring to his bed. "You can tuck me in instead."

"And Patrick and I are staying up late again anyway," Timmy told the other two. "Good night, sleepyheads."

"Oh, we're the sleepyheads?" Matt demanded. "You should see how the two of you look to Danny and I in the morning."

After finishing saying good night to their tired bandmates, Patrick went to his studio to paint, and Timmy went downstairs to watch television.

The late night talk show was absorbing. About half way through it, Timmy unexpectedly felt the presence of someone behind him, and he knew it wasn't Patrick. Before his reflexes could react, a strong arm clamped around him and a gloved hand stifled his scream. 

The use of his voice and his arms was hampered, but Timmy could still kick--or make a suitably loud noise to startle his friends awake. Nuke dragged Timmy onto the bandstand so that they could leave by the porch door. Timmy aimed his foot at the stand of his ride cymbal and toppled it over, causing a resounding crash. Patrick looked out from his studio. "Fellas!" he screamed. Matt and Danny bolted out of bed. Both the Innocents and Nuke were at a loss for a moment, Timmy's three bandmates remaining on the catwalk in hesitation. Then, Nuke let go of Timmy's mouth and drew out his switchblade, holding it at Timmy's throat. "One move and he gets it."

"What do you want?" Danny asked.

"Don't listen to him," Timmy told his friends. "Just call the police."

"Over your dead body?" Nuke pointed out.

Everybody again stood still.

"Drop it, Nuke!" a feminine but stern voice ordered. From the back porch, Genie stepped in, her pistol aimed at the captor and the captive. Timmy gasped, for she was still in her Black Jade costume. "May I remind you that I don't mind hitting him to get at you," she told Nuke. "So don't think you can play hostage games with me."

Nuke released Timmy, who fled upstairs to join his bandmates. "Why'd you come here?" Nuke asked, whining.

"I knew you were going to do something rash," she replied. "We don't need any murder raps on our back."

Reluctantly, Nuke nodded consent. He looked up at the Four Innocents. "Look, I heard you guys fibbed on us and our picnic the other night," he told them. "Thanks to you, I spent the night in jail. I came here for blood, but I'll let you go easy this time, thanks to my soft-hearted girl partner here."

"Let's go, Nuke," the partner in question said impatiently.

V

Matt answered the door to find E.G. Bland standing outside. "Come on in."

"Good news, boys," the IIB agent said. "Nuke Hasting was picked up on charges of murder." Sheepishly, he added, "Well, it's good news that he's behind bars, not that he murdered somebody."

"What about that girl, Genie?" Danny wondered. 

"We didn't find her when we shut down the Dragon Lady. Or if we did, we didn't know it. She's good at blending in." He sat down on the triangular seat. "It's been a few days, boys, are you ready to go back into action or not?"

"Man, E.G., I don't know," Matt said. "I don't know if we want to continue this stuff."

"I'll understand if you don't," Bland told him.

"Still, it was probably just an isolated incident," Danny pointed out.

"What do you think, Timmy?" Matt asked.

Timmy sighed. "Most of the time probably nothing will happen. And we may help put some bad people behind bars where they can't do as much harm."

"But harm could come to us," Matt pointed out.

"Yeah, I don't want any of you guys getting hurt," Timmy agreed.

"It's **you** that almost got your throat slit."

"Look, Nuke's a real freaky and violent person," Bland said. "He's not the type of person you come across every day. Look, I'll wait a while longer before asking you for any help, and then I'll try to make it as routine as possible."

"You ever watch _Star Patrol_?" Danny asked. "It's their routine missions that always end up being the most dangerous."

"Yeah, well that's TV for you," Bland remarked, getting up to leave.

After he had gone, Danny turned to Timmy. "Well, the Dragon Lady's closed down. I guess that means you won't get to see Black Jade anymore."

"That's okay," Timmy told him, and pointed to his head. "Black Jade exists up here."

"What about Genie? I thought you said she was Black Jade, first time you saw her."

"Naww, Black Jade may be brave like Genie, but she's also sweet and innocent. Genie may have saved our lives, but it's obvious to me that she's no heroine."

"I just hope we don't run into either of them again," Matt said. 


	9. Going So Soon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was based on The Monkees episode "The Success Story" by Gerald Gardner, Dee Caruso, and Bernie Orenstein.

GOING SO SOON?

I

School had practically ended for the Four Innocents. Finals were over, and all that was left were two fun days added to the school year just to meet requirements, then graduation on Saturday. One teacher made it clear that students really didn't have to attend those last couple of days, so the Four Innocents slept in late that day while other students rose early. Right before noon, they went wading out back. They had lunch and then while Matt cleaned up, Danny, Patrick, and Timmy decided on a three man game of checkers. It was one of the first in what they hoped was a string of lazy days.

"Hey, Matt, do that later, will ya?" Danny asked. "Come play

with us."

"No, I'm sorry, Danny, but I've put this off too long. These

dishes are really getting stacked high. Besides, you better get ready to pick up your sister at the airport."

"Yeah," Danny said, without enthusiasm. He remembered the letter he got. "Your school year is over," it read. "It's time to head home. I'm arriving on a London Air flight at 6:00 June 9th. We'll return home Saturday evening. Love, Donna."

"Why so uptight?" Matt wondered. 

"It's just that...Well, I wrote in my letters that I wanted to stay in America, but I guess she didn't take me seriously

enough. According to what I gather from the letter, after she attends graduation, she's going to take me back home. Immediately. She works for the airlines, you see, and she can afford to take short long distance trips, if you know what I mean."

"So she doesn't plan on staying a week and sightseeing at least?" Timmy tried to ascertain.

"That's right. She could make day trips to anywhere in the world if she wanted to actually, but she's quite the homely person."

"Sounds like my father," Matt remarked. "He didn't even come." 

"She's always thought that I should be the homely person, too," Danny continued.

"But THIS is your home," Patrick pointed out.

"Yeah, I know, exactly. But try telling that to her."

"Well, that's exactly what we're gonna have to do," Matt said. He sighed. "I had almost forgotten we'd never gotten that fully resolved."

"She's not my mother, but I'm as much under her God‑given

authority as if she were," Danny muttered. "Or I'd just tell her no. If she takes me back, it'll be years before I'm able to come back and live with you again. I mean, I'm just sixteen."

"What could get her to change her mind?" Matt pondered.

"I'll tell you one thing, fellas," Danny answered. "As soon as she gets a look at this humble abode, I don't know what we'll be able to do to get her to change her mind. If there's one thing she treasures, it's financial status. I bet she won't care that I have the best friends in the whole world. She'll pity me because I'm not even middle class over here, and she's gonna think I'll be better off back there in the village, twiddling my thumbs." He sighed, resting his head in his hands. "Of course, I know that I'd be happier having you fellas with me and no money, but I don't think she'll buy that." Danny looked at his friends for suggestions.

"Well, Matt, what are we gonna do?" Timmy asked worriedly.

Matt sighed and sat down on the bandstand. "Maybe we're

jumping to conclusions. Maybe his sister will be acceptant of his new lifestyle."

Danny laughed hysterically.

"Well, I guess you know her better," Matt acknowledged, as the sound of Danny's laughter became indistinguishable from the sound of sobbing.

"I've never seen you this way," Patrick said, bewildered.

At the airport that evening, Danny met the primly attired Donna. They embraced, though it was more out of their sense of manners than out of true sentimentality, and they remarked upon how long it had been and how nice it was to see each other. "I was worried you hadn't received my letter," she told Danny.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Danny apologized.

"Well, you're here now, that's all that matters. Oh, I have another surprise for you‑‑" She sounded less than delighted.

Danny looked back and saw that Lord Sheehan was approaching. "Jack!"

Mr. Sheehan came up to Danny and hugged him. "How's our little urchin doing?"

"Oh, fine."

"Oh, Donna told me we're staying at your place, by the way," Jack said to Danny, winking. "Did you know that?"

"No, I didn't, but it's all right." In Jack's ear, he whispered, "I guess it has to be all right." He turned back to Donna. "So, how's Debby doing?"

"She's all right," his elder sibling replied. "She couldn't come because her tour guide class is getting hands-on experience in France. If only she wouldn't travel about so much, she could have come with us to California."

Danny drove them towards his home.

"Your bandmates, you've mentioned them before," Donna said.

"Matthew, Timothy, and Patrick, is it?"

"Yes, that's right. They're great friends, too. The greatest in‑‑"

"That's nice," Donna interrupted, anxious to find out news she considered to be more important. "What about girls? Have you made any steady girlfriends while over here?"

"Well, lots of girlfriends, but none steady."

"Oh, that's too bad. Of course, I know you don't consider it so, but I still think it'd be nice for you to find a steady girl." "Yes," Mr. Sheehan agreed. "They're a great source of

companionship."

"You must be terribly lonely over here," Donna remarked.

"No, my friends are all I need," Danny replied.

"Oh, how silly of me!" Donna exclaimed, slapping her forehead. "Why would you make a steady girlfriend over here when you'd just have to leave her behind?"

"Although if you really liked her, you could take her with

you," Mr. Sheehan suggested. "I mean, if you were going to marry her. We could have a big wedding at the manor..."

Danny grimaced and waved this notion aside.

"Same ol' Danny," Mr. Sheehan remarked. "Still afraid of

marriage. Don't worry so; I was only teasing. Well, you are too young yet, actually. But once you're in your twenties, I'm sure you'll have changed your mind by then. I mean, when I was your

age, I never thought I'd be able to make up my mind from all the pretty young lasses, but marriage is just a part of God's plan." "Not for everybody," Danny insisted.

"Well, if you're a monk," Mr. Sheehan began. "Oh, that's

right, you are, in a matter of speaking. Innocent. That's the name of that band you're in with your friends, right?"

"Right. The Four Innocents. We all feel the same way about marriage."

"Oh, that's too bad," Donna said. "Well, you can all be

lonely together."

"So, you're a successful band, then?" Mr. Sheehan asked.

"Well, we'd like to think so," Danny replied, chewing his

fingernails.

"When do you think your music will start being played in

England?"

"Soon, I hope. But then again, if you take me back to

England, that will hurt our chances."

"Well, Danny, if you're in the midst of something important

here, we just can't suddenly interrupt, now, can we?"

"Tell me one thing, Danny," Donna began. "You're not one of

those bad boy rock'n'roll groups, like the Rocking Chairs or the Squawking Macaws, are you?"

"Aw, no. We're a clean group."

"Oh, good."

"We've never taken drugs or anything. Never seduced any

girls."

"Well, that's a relief for me, too," Mr. Sheehan commented.

"Of course, I know you've always been a good lad, but when I heard you had joined a rock'n'roll band, you had me worried. Even though your heart might be in the right place, I was afraid you're

bandmates might bring you down."

"Oh, don't worry. They're very clean."

Donna spoke up. "There's one thing you should know Danny, no matter what Lord Sheehan says. We did get your letters saying you wanted to stay, but you're too young. Now, once you're twenty‑one, you can do what you want, but the deal with the Marshalls is over. I can't say I'm too happy with them anyway for letting you move out of their house. You're coming back home."

Danny turned to her, desperation in his eyes. "Please don't make me go back!"

"Why? What have you got against your homeland all of the

sudden?" Donna demanded. "I know everyone talks about how great America is, but the United Kingdom's also one of the finest countries in the world, if not better."

"It's nothing against the United Kingdom or even for the United States. It's my friends."

"Oh, they want you to stay?"

"Yes, and I want to stay with them, too. You don't

understand! I've changed a lot, I really have."

"I can believe that."

"I used to think I would always be a loner, but now I know my friends and I were meant to be together."

"Well, you can still write to them," Mr. Sheehan reminded.

"And they can visit England sometime and stay at the manor."

"But it won't be the same, don't you see? I couldn't stand a single day without them."

"I think that's exaggerating things a bit," Donna remarked.

"Why, Danny, you did just fine with life before you met them."

"Yes, I did all right. But I wouldn't want to go back to it. I love my friends."

"Love them? Now, Danny, you haven't become one of those homosexuals, have you? I don't know what I'm going to do with you if--"

"No, we're celibate."

"What?"

"It's like I said, we're the Four Innocents."

"I had no idea you meant it so literally."

"What is this slum we're driving into, Danny?" Mr. Sheehan

asked. "You don't live in one of these houses, do you?"

"Well, yes, actually, we do. But it's beachfront property!"

As Danny and his English companions entered, his friends, who had been sitting on the bandstand in anticipation, rose. "Hello, boys," Mr. Sheehan greeted.

"Hello, sir," they all muttered back nervously in

unsynchronized unison.

"I hear you don't want Danny to leave," Mr. Sheehan continued.

"No, sir," the three replied.

"Well, I'm sorry, but he's going to have to come back to

England," Donna said sharply. "Mr. Sheehan took enough of a chance letting him spend almost a year here. As it is, I would have preferred he stayed at home, or at least remained living with the Marshalls. But Danny will spend the last few years of growing up with me. Is that understood?"

Danny's three friends mumbled something that remotely sounded like, "Yes, ma'am."

"Good, I think."

"But what about the time he spends with me?" Mr. Sheehan

wondered. With all the time he and Danny had spent together, and with all the time Donna had ignored Danny, he often felt more like the boy's guardian.

"I'm sure you'll agree with me that, at his age, he needs to come back home."

"Well, yes‑‑"

"Good. Now after the graduation ceremony Saturday, Danny and we will be leaving for the airport and our flight back to London. I suggest in the meantime you plan some last activity that you can do together tomorrow. But for now, I need to speak to Danny alone. Where's a good place that we can speak in private?"

Matt gestured out back. "You can go out on the porch," he

muttered listlessly.

Donna, with her little brother in tow, walked to the back

door. Before exiting, she looked back at his three friends. "It's not that bad, lads. You can visit England anytime you want."

"We can't afford the air fare," Matt said. "Not now, at

least."

"Can we all go back with you now?" Patrick asked Mr. Sheehan

hopefully. "And live in your house?"

"I can't pay for all your tickets!" Mr. Sheehan exclaimed,

taken aback. "And I wouldn't dare ask Donna if I were you." He stood by idly as Matt, Timmy, and Patrick left for upstairs.

Out on the porch, Danny once again pleaded with his sister.

"I don't want to go," he begged. "Please."

"Now, young man, we'll have none of that out of you. No

basset hound looks are going to change my mind about that.

Besides, it's for your own good, you know. Look at yourself,

Danny! You're living in poverty here! 'Land of Opportunity', ha!"

"But my friends!"

"Enough about your friends. You had friends back in England,

Danny, and family as well. You don't seem to miss them very much." She softened a bit. "It can be hard leaving friends, but you'll get over them in time. Someday you'll find a really nice girl and settle down, and then you'll be happy."

Danny grimaced at the thought of marriage. "Oh, please, don't talk about that now!"

"Besides, Danny, I'm not sure they'll be as good an influence on you as you claimed. I mean, they all could use a haircut, and so could you."

"So we have long hair! But we're still not into drugs and

free love and all that stuff."

"Well, thank goodness for that, but you still have to go.

Now, are there guest rooms we can stay in?"

"Yeah, sure, we have one. But there's just one bed, so one of you can sleep in the den." 

"That will be Mr. Sheehan, of course." 

The siblings went back inside, and Danny led Donna to the spare bedroom, which she prepared for her use. Mr. Sheehan poked his head in to tell her he was going to stroll along the beach.

Danny retired to the bandstand, resting his head on his knees. A while later, his three friends came back down. "So what do you want to do?" Matt asked.

"Mope," Danny replied. He turned to the other Innocents and

shrugged. "It's no use. She won't listen to me. I'm sorry,

fellas, I meant it when I said I wouldn't leave you, but it's out of my hands now. See, it's just not that I would be disobeying my sister, I'd be disobeying God, too."

"It's okay, Danny," Matt said. "We'll always forgive you." "I hate to think we'll be forced to separate so soon when we

thought we were inseparable," Timmy muttered. "Although I guess we'll get to see each other again."

"Yeah," Danny agreed dismally. "In a few years. Donna thinks twenty‑one is the age I should be allowed to be on my own, not eighteen, and certainly not sixteen! So much for group

togetherness."

II

That night, all the Four Innocents managed to have the energy to do as a group activity was to lay on a circle on the floor, their heads touching. They each tried to think of a way out of their situation, occasionally mentioning something out loud, but none of the suggestions sounded that good. 

It was the same the next day. They knew they should get in one last romp or jam session, but the thought of these things being the last with Danny made them too hard to do. At least Donna was out of the house, for Mr. Sheehan had dragged her off on a sightseeing tour, not for her sake but because he knew the boys needed to be alone.

When they returned home in the evening, Donna reminded Danny to make sure to pack his luggage that night. Danny did so reluctantly. "Some of the things I came with I don't know whether to take back or not," he remarked to his bandmates. "I mean, they've become communal property." 

Mr. Sheehan came upstairs, hesitantly stepping inside the boys' bedroom. As though answering a question, he told the bandmates, "She didn't want to even discuss matters today."

"Well, that's Donna for you," Danny said.

Finally, the boys just went to bed early, but got less sleep than usual.

When Matt went downstairs the next morning, he looked for something to eat for breakfast, but gave up, realizing he didn't have the appetite. For his next activity of that day, he sat down on the bandstand and stared blankly ahead. While he was doing so, Danny, dressed in his beach clothes, passed by him, coming out from the music storage room and heading outside. Their eyes met for a moment. Danny looked so depressed that Matt almost wanted to strangle Donna, and perhaps Mr. Sheehan, for what they had done to his bandmate‑‑and to the rest of the band. "I'm going for a walk along the beach one last time," Danny told him softly. Matt nodded.

A minute later, Mr. Sheehan finished getting ready in the bathroom and came downstairs. Matt took a deep breath and decided to get up and talk to him. He seemed less stubborn than Donna. "Tell me, sir, what's the real reason you're taking Danny away from us?" Matt asked.

Mr. Sheehan sighed. "Danny needs the guidance of a family." He sounded like he was quoting Donna for lack of his own

conviction.

"Sir," Matt began slowly. "Danny already has a family. Us.

We're his family."

"Young man!" Donna scolded, bursting out from the guest room

where she had overheard everything. "If this is the kind of friend you are to him, trying to prevent us from raising him properly, then I certainly don't want him staying with you. Why, you three blokes aren't thinking of his welfare at all. You're just thinking of yourselves."

"I suppose you're right in a way," Matt agreed. "We're thinking of how much we'll miss him. But we know he'll miss us, too. We're good boys, we really are‑‑at least we try to be. And we really are quite attached to each other....." He sighed. "All I can say is that I don't want to lose Danny, sir, and ma'am."

"I'm sorry," Mr. Sheehan apologized, but looked resigned to

Danny's fate.

Matt turned to Donna, but she remained impassive. "Danny's too young to be living out here like this," she stated. "You're just going to have to accept that."

"You could've told him sooner that he had to go back so at least none of us would have gotten our hopes up!" Matt yelled. Sighing, he walked away. "I'm gonna go get the paper," he mumbled as he exited out the front door.

"Well, he's just one of those know‑nothing, long‑haired

weirdos," Donna told her companion.

"Yes, but do we have to take him away so quickly?" Mr. Sheehan questioned. "This is California, after all. There's so much to see and do, we should take a holiday while we're here. It won't cost us too much if we can continue to stay here instead of at a hotel. I may be rich, but I still hate to think we spent all that money on air fare and time on the aeroplane just to stay a couple of days."

"Look, if we stayed here any longer, that little fox of a

brother of mine would manage to get us to sign papers allowing him to stay." She crossed her arms. "Well, he's not going to outwit me."

III

At Stockdale High's gymnasium, Jasmine Keefe and Mrs. Winward, along with Caroline and Jim, had already arrived. They were out front when the Four Innocents, in their gowns, and Mr. Sheehan and Donna arrived. Matt and Patrick greeted their mothers, and Matt his brother‑in‑law and sister as well. "I really wish your father had come," Mrs. Winward said to Matt. "But you know how he hates to leave Trotter. He sent you a card with some money, though. I'll give it to you later. Jacob, Betsy, and Wanda would have liked to come, but‑‑"

"I understand," Matt told his mother.

"‑‑They did sign the card, though."

Matt then caught Timmy sighing. "I'm sure your parents are thinking of you right now."

"Where are your parents now anyway, Timmy?" Jasmine asked.

Timmy sighed. "Dad's busy in Hartford, and my new stepfather goofed up and made cruise reservations in the Bahamas, so Mom can't be here either."

"Well, Hartford is on the other coast," Matt pointed out. 

"Yeah, and Mom insisted the cruise scheduling was by accident...But when you think that Mr. Sheehan and Danny's sister came all the way from England‑‑And then again, when you think about them taking Danny back, maybe it's just as well my parents didn't come."

"Oh, they wouldn't take you to Connecticut," Matt said. "Or Oregon."

The four boys then found a seat with their fellow graduates, though they were separated by the alphabetically arranged seating. Mr. Sheehan and Donna sat near Matt's and Patrick's relatives. The students and their guests waited for the ceremony to begin..And waited..

Finally it started, with "short" addresses by the principal, the Senior class president, the head coach, and the valedictorian. Then the names of all the students, in alphabetical order, began to be read, as each one came up individually to receive his diploma. A couple of hundred students were present, so this was a lengthy and boring procedure. Donna glanced anxiously at her watch. The ceremony had started late, and now all this! The scheduling of the departure flight now seemed like bad timing. They had more students graduating from this one school than the population of five villages.

Danny, on the other hand, though bored, wished the ceremony

would go on and on, so that they would miss the flight.

During the midst of the B's, Donna realized she had to get out of there. Warily, she poked Jim Frayne in the shoulder. "You know how to get to the boys' house, don't you?"

"Sure."

"I need to get something in a hurry."

"Well, I don't think they're in a hurry to get to the W's, so all right."

Before hopping in Jim's car, however, Donna found a phone, and called a cab, to make sure it would be there around the time the ceremony might end. 

When Jim and Donna returned, the S's were being called, but they were already past Selwyn. What a waste of time! If Donna had known she would miss it, she would never have come to America in the first place. Well, maybe she would have; getting Danny to come back home was like shoving the proverbial camel through the needle's eye.

Finally, that Winward boy was called up, dragging his feet as he made his way to the podium. "He seems depressed," Caroline whispered to Jim. Donna could not help but overhear.

"Maybe he's sad school is over," Jim suggested.

"But he always hated school."

After him, came a Yates, a few Youngs, and a Zettlemoyer. The principal made some closing remarks, the students tossed their caps in the air, then everybody started leaving or gathered around to chatter. "Come on, Danny, you best be saying goodbye to your friends now," Mr. Sheehan told Danny, he and Donna joining up with the boy, as Matt, Patrick, and Timmy ran up through the crowd.

"Now?" Danny demanded. "I thought we were going back to the house first!"

"Yes, but the ceremony was running so late, I called a cab and he should be here any minute now," Donna explained. "I asked one of the Winwards to bring me back to the house, so the luggage is in his car."

"I was wondering where you were during the middle. And Jim's a Frayne, not a--Oh, what difference does it make?"

"I'm going to see if the cab's there yet," Donna told Danny.

"You say farewell to your friends now." She walked away, Mr.

Sheehan following.

Danny turned to his friends. "She called the cab to come here. I have to go." He turned to Timmy. "I'll miss our times in the park."

"Hey, uh, well..." Timmy stuttered, shrugging. "I wish I

could have met you the day you first arrived."

"That much more time?" Danny guessed. He reached out to

embrace Timmy. "I love you."

"I love you, too." After a long moment, they let go.

"Goodbye, Matt." The short Briton took the tall Southwesterner in his arms.

"Well..don't ever change," Matt said. "I'm sorry I couldn't

help."

"Don't apologize. You didn't know what would happen."

"I don't want to let you go."

"I know. But..." They had to do so. "Well, I love you, Matt."

"Me, too." His bandleader then turned away, hiding his face with his hands.

Patrick stood next, unafraid to let the quiet tears show. "You changed my life," Danny told him as they held on.

As they released each other, Patrick remarked, "I wish they

would've gotten you a round‑trip ticket. That way you could please everyone."

Mr. Sheehan interrupted them, coming back in. "The cab driver is waiting, Danny. We have more time than Donna thought we would, but he's getting impatient, and the meter's running."

"All right," Danny replied. "I love you, Patrick," he said, and Patrick returned the affection. Then Danny headed away with Mr. Sheehan. Before the crowd swallowed them up, he looked back at his three friends. He wished he could have said more, but it had been hard to speak at such a time. Danny saw that Matt and

Timmy had now begun to openly cry along with Patrick. "It'll be interesting to see if the ol' village's changed any," he called back, hoping to offer them consolation, but shrugging involuntarily because he didn't mean this.

IV

In the cab, Danny tried to choke back his emotions, but he could not hide them from his sister. "Oh, you're not going to cry, are you, Danny?" Donna demanded. "You're not a little boy anymore, you know."

"Then why can't I stay with my friends?" Danny sobbed.

"Now don't get wise. You're not a little boy, but you're not a man either. You still have a lot of growing up to do."

Matt, Timmy, and Patrick stood out in the parking lot of

Stockdale High, after having watched the cab fade into the

distance. They were a bit calmer now on the surface, but

underneath, their feelings still had not come to a boil. Matt's and Patrick's relatives stood behind them in support. "Maybe

they'll let him come back when he's eighteen, not twenty‑one,"

Jasmine Keefe offered.

Mrs. Winward lay a hand on her son's shoulder. "It's a good thing your father didn't come after all. He'd never be able to

understand your crying. I think it's okay, though."

"Oh, Danny will do all right," Timmy said lamely.

"He's very strong inside," Matt joined in.

"Yeah, he'll probably get back to a normal life in a few weeks," Patrick added, even more lamely. A second later, they were again crying out loud, hanging on tight to each other. 

Suddenly Matt stopped mourning. Drying his tears, he announced resolutely, "We're inseparable! Donna and the rest of the world's just gonna have to accept **that**."

"What are you talking about, Matt?" Mrs. Winward demanded.

The cab pulled up to the entrance of the airport. "Danny, we're here," Mr. Sheehan announced. "Danny?"

"..Huh? What?"

"Come on, lad. Snap out of it. We're here."

"Oh." They got out of the cab and Mr. Sheehan paid the driver. "Really, Danny, what's the matter with you?" Donna snapped.

"Nothing." If he said anything more, he would end up

screaming at his guardians. He had to get out of their presence before he did. "I'll meet you at the gate." He stalked off.

"Wait a minute, Danny, what about the luggage?" Donna

demanded, but the boy had passed out of hearing distance. "Well, how rude, not even offering to help."

"Oh, we can manage," Mr. Sheehan said.

"Are you sure? It took me three trips getting them to the

cab. Maybe we can wait for one of those skycap blokes." She leaned against a column. "Strange for Danny to join up with a rock'n'roll band, isn't it? He always seemed like such a good lad, rash but with good morals."

"Oh, he is a good lad, but I'm afraid you don't know him like

I do. He always loved the British beat groups. I feel like such a villain, taking him away from his friends like that."

"Oh, you've always spoiled him rotten. If it was up to you,

you'd let him stay, wouldn't you?"

Mr. Sheehan shrugged. "Perhaps."

"You saw how awful that seaside shack was."

"Yes, but it had a nice view. Besides, letting him stay in

that shack wouldn't exactly be spoiling him rotten, now would it?" A feminine voice interrupted their conversation. "Hey, didn't I see you two at St. Francis Park the other day?"

Mr. Sheehan looked up to see a red‑haired old lady. "Oh, yes. Hello, madam. How do you do?" 

"Oh, fine. What are you doing here?"

"Going back to England," Donna explained. "There was, uh, an

emergency within the family."

"Sorry to hear it. You come from England? Oh, it must be beautiful there. I've always dreamed about visiting England. I'd love to see the Eiffel Tower."

"Er, the Eiffel Tower is in France, madam,” Jack Sheehan explained. “However, France isn't far from England. Just a swim across the English Channel." 

"Oh, I'm afraid I never watch British television."

"Uh, yes. By the way, what are you doing here? Going on vacation?" 

"Oh, I just like visiting the airport. I enjoy seeing the

planes take off for faraway places. Been stuck here all my life, myself."

"Well, it's not a bad place to be stuck," Mr. Sheehan remarked. "A lot of people love California, especially this part of California."

"If they're surfers or movie stars."

"Well, there's more than just surfers and actors.."

"Don't get me wrong. I like California all right, it's just

that I'd love to travel and get a change of scenery for a change. All my life I've wanted to see foreign countries, like Europe, but I've never been able to afford it."

"Oh, what a shame," Donna remarked.

"The farthest I got in vacations was the Grand Canyon in

Arizona. And I've been in Mexico, right at the south of the

border, but just for an afternoon. I've always felt a calling within me, though, that I should see the world."

"That's funny," Mr. Sheehan pointed out to Donna. "That's what Danny said about a year ago and we didn't see him again until

yesterday."

"Oh, but I'm just being a silly old woman," the stranger

continued. "If I haven't made it by now, I'll never make it."

"Now, Miss‑‑" Mr. Sheehan began.

"Mrs. Wanda Byrd. Widowed."

"I'm sorry," Donna said.

"Oh, it's been years."

"Any children?" Mr. Sheehan asked.

"No. Never had any. I live alone."

"I hope it doesn't get lonely. Now, Mrs. Byrd, as I was

saying, don't let age cause you to give up your dreams."

She smiled. "Oh, I won't. Nice talking to you, Mister‑‑"

"Mr. Sheehan. Jack Sheehan."

"Mr. Sheehan." She walked away, waving back to him. "Have a

nice flight."

"Oh, where is a skycap?" Donna fretted.

They finally found one and made their way to baggage check-in. Someone cleared his throat behind them. Glancing around, Donna and Jack saw Timmy and Patrick standing shyly by.

"Uh, before you go I'd like to ask you one thing," Timmy stated.

Danny's sister sighed impatiently. "Yes?"

"Is this trip really necessary?"

"Excuse me, it's our turn at the counter," Donna said hurriedly. "Now if you will pardon us?" She turned to the man at the counter and announced, "I've nothing to declare."

"But this isn't customs," the worker said.

V

When Mr. Sheehan and Donna had finished checking in, they

boarded a tram cart for the gates. "What idiots!" Donna exclaimed. "Following us to the airport like that."

Mr. Sheehan shook his head. "They really don't want Danny to leave, do they?"

"So?" Donna replied angrily, and bit her lip.

"Such loyalty and love for one another," Mr. Sheehan said, more to himself. He was silent for a moment, then spoke to the driver. "Pardon me, sir. I'd like to get off here if I could. There's a pretty young girl over there I'd like to talk to."

"You're kidding me!" Donna cried as the driver braked. Mr. Sheehan got off. Donna was at a loss, then decided she had better follow him. She tried to get off just as the driver was starting up again, and irritated, he stopped once more to let her off. 

Timmy and Patrick were at the gates. "We've one more

opportunity to give them a hard time, guys," Matt said upon

arriving. "And that's right at the gate with Danny."

"If all else fails," Patrick remarked. "At least we'll get to see Danny one more time."

At Gate Three, glancing at his watch, Danny was wondering now

if his guardians were actually going to miss the flight. Hmmm,

that would be exciting. But then Mr. Sheehan ran up. "Where've you been?" Danny demanded, as if concerned, but in reality, disappointed. "They're starting to board."

"Oh, I'll make it on the plane, lad. But I'm afraid there won't be enough room for you."

"Huh?"

He walked towards the crowd, where he sighted Matt, Patrick,

and Timmy, who had just found the right gate and were waiting to make their move. "Here we are, chaps." The three looked up with

surprise and came over.

"Fellas! What's going on?" Danny wondered, although deep down he knew. "What are you‑‑?"

Mr. Sheehan slapped him on the back as he looked at the other Innocents. "Never in my life have I seen such unity and loyalty."

"Oh, uh, well, thank you very much," Danny replied.

"Why, they refuse to let you go! I knew we were wrong to try

to split up a family. Go back to them. Commitment is good for an urchin like you." Danny hugged Mr. Sheehan gratefully and turned to his friends. The trio drew him near, and once again they were a quartet.

"But what about Donna?" Danny asked.

"Oh, don't you worry. I'll take care of that old bitch." He

looked around for Mrs. Byrd. "Oh, here she comes. Hand over your ticket, Danny." When the lady reached him, he gestured towards Danny, and she took the ticket from him.

"Thank you!" she squealed to them. "I'm going to England! I don't believe it! Of course, the only way I could go is if I

agreed to go right now. Mr. Sheehan says he'll buy everything I

need over there. And I can phone my neighbor and she'll watch my house for me."

Donna ran up. "Where the hell did you go? Who's that? Oh,

it's you, madam."

"Mrs. Byrd is accompanying me to England," Mr. Sheehan

announced chipperly.

"She is? Did you just buy her a ticket now?"

"Oh, no. No time for that. She's using Danny's ticket."

"Danny's? But what about‑‑?" She glowered. "Oh, I see your game now! The four boys have won you over to their side. I always knew you spoiled him."

"Will you excuse us a minute?" Mr. Sheehan asked Mrs. Byrd. To Donna, he said, "He's still uncomfortably young, I know. But the bond he and his friends have is stronger than anything I've ever seen‑‑and anything I bet you've ever seen, either. You don't want him throwing away something that precious just for a few more years at home."

"Well, it's preposterous! Most friends are only short term

relationships, and Danny's always been fickle."

"No, this time I know his dedication is for real." The

intercom informed everyone that the flight to England was almost through boarding. "Well, are you coming?"

Donna seethed for a moment, then turned to Danny. "Well,

looks like you're staying. But don't come crying to me in six

months when the band's broken up and you want to come home."

"Don't worry, I won't," Danny said. "I'm sorry, Donna, one of the last things I want is to make you look bad. I know you're just trying to do your duty. But the absolutely last thing I want is to be separated from my friends."

"Well, whatever happens with this band of yours, you're going

to have to make it in America on your own," she insisted, pointing her finger emphatically with the last three words. "If you want to come back to England, you're going to have to pay your own way." 

"Well, farewell, boys," Mr. Sheehan said to the Four Innocents. To Mrs. Byrd, he said, "That's Danny and the Innocents. They're monks, you know. Live in a monastery by the beach."

"I thought they were British pop stars," Mrs. Byrd said in confusion.

The four boys chuckled and bid them farewell. They

respectfully watched the plane take off.

Then Matt, Timmy, and Patrick huddled excitedly around Danny.

"Man, I don't believe it!" Timmy cried. "You're back!"

Danny laughed. "Was I ever gone?" Suddenly, he looked

startled. "You know, my luggage is on that plane, isn't it?"

VI

The early evening found the Four Innocents sitting on a park bench in Lake Francis Park. "Well, I sure am glad Mr. Sheehan and Donna are on their way back to Britain all right," Matt said. "On their way back without you, that is."

"I just hope it doesn't cost too much to get my stuff sent

back."

"Maybe Mrs. Byrd can use it," Patrick remarked.

"Yeah," agreed Timmy. "Pretty game of her to be able to leave at the drop of a hat."

"I just hope Donna understands," Danny worried.

"Oh, she'll get over it," Matt consoled. "You said Mr. Sheehan spent more time raising you than she did. It was like all of the sudden, she wants to come in and break up the band just to show off her authority."

The mention of the band made Timmy think of something. "You know, we haven't gotten in any rehearsal time lately, with all the chaos," he mused.

"Yeah," Danny said. "Donna hates rock'n'roll, anyway." He jumped up from his seat. "I know! Instead of playing a song, let's just play. C'mon, fellas!" He grabbed Patrick's arm and pulled him off the bench. Matt and Timmy followed, and the four romped through the park, getting incredulous stares from the real children.


End file.
